Leinigen vs the Ants

Well, not as epic a battle, but the battle goes on.
Tonight, WG poked her head into the garage. Hurry Honey, come quick! There is a rat at the bird feeder!”
I dropped what I was working on, grabbed a broom(I don’t own a shotgun, but kinda wished I did.) I follow her into the backyard and in the gathering twilight, I can see the little rat at the bird feeder, at the other corner of our yard.
The rat sees us and jumps down into the flower bed. As I rush over there, deadly broom in hand, I can hear WG. “Get a shovel.”
“No Time, I want to kill the bastard.”

I started poking around, hoping to scare it out so I can whack it. WG grabs a heavy shovel and moves to the vegetable garden. In the gloom at the base of the fence, I see movement and poke at something.
‘I saw something on this side. “ She yells. I move around the pond and poke among the herbs. I see some movement further down and turn.
Two of the little bastards go running up the fence post, sixteen feet from me! Once on the top of the fence, one runs away from me and one runs towards me! I cock the broom behind me and watch as the little gray shape bears down one me. He is at eye level and I can see his little beady black eyes.
Just as he got abreast of me and swung the broom and was gratified to feel a squishy thump!
As he fell to the ground I yelled out to WG. “I thumped him!” And I struck again and the gray lump on the ground moved and I missed. The little shit then scampered up the orange tree and vanished.

And the Tommy dog arrived to see what was going on. Definitely not a rat dog!

I couldn’t see anything in the orange tree as it was getting darker. WG came up to me, still holding her shovel. “I figure, place three traps. One there, there and there.”
“Yes, that should cover it.”
“Do you think the birds might set them off?”
“I don’t think so.”
“What about the squirrels?”
I shrugged.
“I don’t worry about them much either. I don’t want to hurt them, but I hate rats!”
“I wish I had a pellet pistol. But I might not have been able to shoot fast enough.”
“Get the little shovel and keep it out. It’s lighter and you may be able to do more damage next time.”

So we go back inside, the excitement of the moment gone. Tomorrow, buy more traps.

I can only hope that somewhere out there, there is a rat scurrying around with a pronounced limp.

And I am sure that no one but my older brother even know who Leiningen was.

creaping age, creeping me out

I seriously need to make fun of my older brother. He just turned fifty! You know, the need to cover the grey, a looming mid-life crisis?

But alas, I fell asleep on the couch after dinner(again!)

I need to think of something to say, I’ll be there myself, all too soon.

Poor guy, one daughter is grown and out of the house. Daughter two will graduate from college in 3-4 years. Then he has to retire! Poor, poor guy. All alone in his house, no kids, nothing to do but get naked and chase his wife around the house, just because he can!

Naked fun

“Have fun getting naked.” She said in the IM. I laughed. That’s the last thing I want to do when going to the Dermatologist! The more skin you expose, the more things the doc can find to cut, scrape and burn off.
My coworker says that she goes once a year. But she has very fair skin. Like alabaster.
That makes me wonder. I would expect that people with darker skin (assuming similar sun exposure) would have less sun damage? Fewer moles and strange skin growths? I am sure someone has done research on that.

But the doc said most of the things on my face are okay, just the results of age and sun exposure when I was little. We didn’t know that too much sun was bad for you, back in the 60’s and 70’s. But it is good to know that I don’t have any skin cancers and such.

The really nice thing was finding that a young lady that I used to work with, was now a nurse! It was great to see her and chat for a few minutes. She was always nice, even when I came to her with last minute parts to build, fix or test. A bright spot in my day.

The dark spot was mentioning a ‘sort of cyst’ in the middle of my back. The doc said that it wasn’t ‘sort of’ anything. It was a cyst and ought to be taken care of. I had three choices. Cortisone injection, a small incision to drain it, or the old ‘cut and thrust’ and have a nice scar on my back. We decide on the middle course. I can always come back and have a two inch long slit cut in my back.

Of course, it’s in the middle of my back, where I cannot reach. Wonder Girl gets to play doctor and change the bandage. I like playing the other type of doctor!

I will stay away from doctors for a while.

Early birds

GW 2, Rats 0

The early bird catches the worm.
But it’s the second rat that gets the cheese!.

I still do not know how the rats are getting under the house. I suspect that they are getting under the deck, and from there, finding a way in. Yes, I know, they wouldn‘t be attracted to our yard if we did not have a vegetable garden. But we so love our fresh, ripe tomatoes, and other stuff.
So we live with it. The Tommy dog is not fast enough to catch them, I guess, and he keeps the cats away. Well, what can you do?

Set traps under the house, to catch the little bastards! And not just one trap, two at least. Well, I did that last month. And last week, while WG was away, I did the nasty job of checking the traps. Good and bad, there were two of the bastards. Dead in the traps. Okay, smart ass, you now have to clean up the mess! At least my arms are long enough to reach through the trap door and scoop the desiccated carcasses into plastic bags. Tie up the bags and carry them out to the trash. Nice to have disposable gloves! Wash up, spray the area with disinfectant and some pesticide, who knows what the creatures carry!

Now the next time I am at the store, I’ll have to get some more traps.

My coworker thanked me for the tomatoes I gave him last week. He has some nice plants, but something is eating them all! What could it be? So I enlightened him about what rats do. He will have his own fun with traps now.

Ah life in the suburbs. Never ending fun.

Up your nose

Up Your Nose,
With a rubber hose.

‘What a pack of porkers!’ I thought as I sat down in the C-PAP class. And most of them were overweight. But you would expect that with a bunch of people suffering from Sleep apnea. The Resp. Therapist explained the little C-PAP machine, how it worked and what it would be doing to us. Then she proceeded to help us fit the nose piece to our heads and turn the machine on. I immediately felt a wind blowing up my nose.
The idea of the machine, is to keep a constant flow of air going through your nose, into your lungs. This keeps the airway open by pushing your tongue out of the way. With the airway kept open, a person can breathe. This will reduce the Apnic episodes where you stop breathing.

And gosh, we all look as sexy as hell, with this clear plastic thing strapped to our heads and the tube leading away. On look at me tonight and Wonder Girl will be all over me!
Just as soon as she stops laughing.

So I will be on the test machine for a week, as it figures out the correct pressure. Then I will get my own machine, set to just the right flow of air.

I has been three nights with it. I am still getting used to it. I seem to wake up around 4am, with a freaking typhoon blowing up my nose! (I don’t want to hear any jokes about a blow-job gone bad!)
Now I am not one to fully wake up, so early in the morning(anytime before 7am is early) the mind is not there. This explains why I wake up at 7am and the machine is turned off and the headpiece is hanging off the bedpost! Someone took care of it and I don’t remember doing it.

Wonder Girl says that it has helped eliminate the snoring. The next thing is to see if I am more awake during the day. Because I constantly wake up part way, when I don’t breath, I don’t get a full, deep sleep. I guess time will tell.

At least I don’t sound like Darth Vader!

Stocking Women, Stalking Men

Cousin Becca blew into town a little while ago. I would have said she flew into town, but I have no idea how she arrived, much less how she left. I don’t even know if her broomstick is still running. I am sure that some of you may have guessed that she just sprouted leathery wings, but that is just a myth. Vamps don’t do that. But I digress.

Anyway, we met at the little café we like. And when the waitress arrived, it was the same old Cos. “I’d like a large half calf half low fat latte with a shot of vanilla and a twist.”
“And you Sir?”
“Large Latte.”
She paused, then realized that my taste in coffees was simple, unlike my taste in women. Amusing, for despite Cos being sixteen years younger than I, people seem to think we are together. I guess they mistake the playful family banter for something else.

She began telling me about some of her escapades in P-. I won’t pass them on to you because most of them never ‘happened’. At least not officially. I told her about my friends Fantail, Chemical Girl and an amusing little anecdote about Lacquer, that ended with me getting a whack on the arm.
“I can tell Lacquer is crazy about you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“GW, come on, when a gal gives you a whack, it just means she likes you.”
“We’re just co-workers.”
“Sounds like you have stocked another one.”
“I’m not stalking anyone.”
“I didn’t say stalking, S.t.o.c.k.i.n.g.! Damn, do I have to spell out everything?”
I groaned at the bad pun. “I don’t ‘stock’ women.”
“Oh PLEASE! Of course you do, you just don’t realize it. You stock them just like they stock you.”
“What?”
“Look, we are different. You’re married to a wonderful gal, you have a great life and are happy with it. Everyone knows you are devoted to WG, and that makes you safe. Me, on the other hand; well, I am just too busy having fun. I have a few guys marked down for later if I ever want to settle down, but I don’t work at keeping them in a stable for later riding. Most probably don’t think of me very often.”
“Yes, that’s why you move so often, isn’t it? You exhaust the ‘pool’ and have to move to other pastures.”
“Kinda like that. I also get a rep. and people keep their young boys home, away from my claws that catch.”
Our waitress arrived and carefully set our drinks in front of us,
“But you're not above stalking your prey.” I said as the waitress left.
“Of course not! That’s half the fun. You set things up, opportunities, coincidences, and things happen! The poor guys never know what hit them.”
“So, it’s a game.”
“Yes, but it has it’s dangers, unlike yours.”
“I’m not playing a game.”
”Well, maybe, maybe not. Perhaps in some cases you don’t realize that they are playing a similar game.”
“But nobody is stocking me.”
“I have seen the way…I’ll call her ‘The Needy Nurse’.”
“I know who you mean.”
“She has you stocked. If you were ever single, she’d be at your door soooo fast!”
I shuddered a little.
“So be careful.”
“I never thought of it that way.”
“Well, you’re in a different world than me. Just like OTP, I am always hunting for the next conquest. The next hottie to light my fire. You already have yours, and what you like is a companion. But one who also can light your fire.”
“I never thought of it that way.”
“Well, I know you like to hear my stories, and OTP’s; but your needs are different.”
“I have grown up.”
“Not sure I like what you are implying.”
“Just stating a fact.”
She stuck out her tongue at me.
“Then I am right.”
“Well, just a little” She admitted.
“You have friends out there that simply like you and like being around you.”
“And you have friends that just like being in you.” And I grinned.
The back of her hand caught me hard across my shoulder. “You can be such a pig!”
“But I am right?”
She blushed, just a little. “Yes, but it’s not a bad thing!”
“No. Just different.”
“See? We are so different.”
“Someday, you too will find a companion, probably when and where you aren’t even looking.”
“I suppose, but I’ll never have the half-dozen or so that have put you on their list.”
“And I am not even trying.”
“That’s what I hate about you!”

The waitress came by and as I placed a twenty on the bill, before Cos could.

I thought about her, as I drove home that night and I felt sorry for her. Despite her fun and adventures, she was alone. And even driving home by myself, I am never alone, for my companion is always with me, and I’ll be in her arms soon.

EXILE

It’s Bunko night tonight. WG has eleven women coming over to play. Guys are not welcome. So I have to find a place to stay. Alas, poor over-protective dog must go too. You can’t count dice with a dog barking at you!

Bunko is a dice game played with twelve people. Once a month, the group meets at someone’s house and the games begin. There will be food, prizes, and lots of hen-clucking.
It’s amusing how guys and gals treat things. WG is getting the house decorated with the theme she has chosen, Hawaii. Lot’s of shopping was done to get the décor just right. The prizes and food all reflect the theme. I have helped where I could. The mixtape is all set for her.
Today we spent setting up. While I did the lawns and a quick trip to the store, WG got the house ready. Clean up this and that, put things away. We really don’t want the house to look lived in. Once my stuff was done, WG said I should just go play in the garage, or something. No need for me to be underfoot. And I am available if needed.
It’s the same as when I am doing a project. Leave me alone to make the thing. If I need help, I’ll ask.
We both cut up the chicken and made the skewers.

I’ll start the barbeque in a few minutes and cook the skewer. Keeps me out of her hair.

By six, I will pack up some food, beer and the dog; and head to Al’s. Well spend the evening doing whatever, until it’s time to for me to come home.

Now if I planned a poker night with the guys, it would be simple.
Beer, chips, dip, pizza; play poker. The guys couldn’t care less if there was a theme and if the house was clean.

Amusing. But we all have our priorities.

As long as I don’t burn the skewer, I will be a hero.

The women’s circle.

You know, sometimes I get tired of the same question. It always comes once people learn about me and my lovely wife.

“Your wife sounds like an angel…how did she ever end up with you?’
I sigh and figure that I might as well tell the story.

‘Well, when I lived in Reno.’
‘You lived in Reno Why?’
‘I’ll get to that.’
‘Yes, let him tell the story.’
“As I was saying, I lived in Reno and I met the lady who would later become my wife.’
‘But why would she ever go out with you?’
‘Well, the local group of women elders, known as the Women’s Circle, got together and decided that they needed a sacrifice. Someone who would marry me and thereby save other women from being bothered by me. So Wonder Girl was chosen as the sacrifice.’
‘Oh GW, they’re not called a women’s circle, they’re called a coven.’
‘But you still haven’t explained how you ended back in California!’
‘Oh that’s simple. Once I was married, then the restraining order that prevented me from entering California was null and void. It was assumed that I would no longer bother other women.’
Well, it’s apparent to me that your wife is a saint.’