Friday, March 31, 2006

Gloomy

Well, it is official, a record breaking month. Twenty-three days of rain this month! Broke records going back over a hundred years. Not hard rain every day, but rain. Even harder was that on the days that didn’t have rain, most of them were overcast. It’s like living in freakin’ Seattle!

Last year at this time, we were getting ready to put in a garden.

Wonder Girl is afraid she’ll catch mold.

Military pigs

You just have to watch what you say around ex-military personnel, since they have a twisted view of life.

I mentioned to a coworker, that I was planning a trip to Cebu in a few months.
“Oh, looking forward to a game of ‘Smiles’? He grinned.
“No.” I have heard of the game from Navy guys.
“Lots of work planned and I am sure my friends will want to take me out for dinners, probably dancing.”
“Well, when you go up to the bar for a beer. Mention, in a loud voice, that you are a “Pilipino Cherry-boy” He said and grinned knowingly.
“I don’t think I like the sound of that, and I can guess at the meaning.”
“The bar girls will go crazy over you.” He said, with an even bigger grin.
“Like I need that. Anyway, I trust my lady friends to protect me from poachers.”
“I am sure they will.”

Monday, March 20, 2006

A bad weekend, a good weekend.

I guess when it rains, it pours. Saturday morning and I thought I’d have the Quaker granola cereal. It’s a little too chewy and crunchy than I like, but I like the flavor.
Well, halfway through the bowl, something on a tooth broke and had to spit out a piece of filling. Okay, a small chunk came out and it doesn’t hurt. No problem, call the dentist Monday morning and make an appointment. I am sure it’s time for a crown.

Saturday was the family party, ES was up from LA. Had a fun time and it was amusing to see what they did when my nephew opened the bean-bag chair and turned the playroom into a Styrofoam winter wonderland. Poor YB and his wife will be cleaning that up for weeks.

Got home to find the toilet backing up into the bathtub. So get out the snakes and do the plumbing thing. Nothing worked. Crawling under the house confirmed my conclusion, the main sewer line needed work.
So, to bed at 1:30 in the morning> I guess I had better call the plumber first thing Monday morning, dentist second.

Sunday was a visit to Aunt Obie-one. Forget your troubles. Yes, do the handyman thing there too, but simple stuff. Aunt Obie-one enjoys our visits and she is fun to talk to.

So, the plumber was here for three hours Monday morning, but the sewer works properly and the tree roots are all gone. Wednesday, go see Dr drill-and-fill; see what the damage is.

After the bathroom ceiling mess, now the motorized snake mess. Yes, WG and I are tired of the bathroom problems and cleaning up afterwards. Well, I guess a little painting never hurt, again.

Wiping Mom’s butt.

A week ago I went to visit mom. Say hi and do the handyman thing. It was a pretty good visit, once she got past the latest ‘issues’. The big thing was to replace the wax seal under the toilet. It was leaking a little and I was hoping for an easy job. It went okay, but as I was cleaning up the stuff that leaked, I thought, ‘This is like wiping my mom’s butt.’ I was amused because that’s a parents job when they take care of their little kids. I guess it was now my turn to return the favor.
The toilet job went fast and easy and that left more time for chit-chat as I fixed a few items and determined the vacuum was toast.

All in all, a good visit.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Dear Doctor M. Part 2, Flu

Dear Doctor M.,
If I catch the bird flu, can I still eat chicken soup? Or will it make sicker?

My not to bright friend has stopped drinking bottled water because of all the reports he has heard on the Evian flu.

Ask Dr. M Conversation

The conversation went like this.

Dear Doctor M.

My friend says that peoples actions are just driven by hormones. Is this
true, or does he just have delusions of glandular?
--
OB says "I think that should be 'effusions of glandular'."

And I answered, 'Only if the guy is Egotesticle.'

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Lost in non-translation II

The tall guy said to me, “Good morning shorty.”
I glanced at his 6’6” height, It’s kinda nice to feel small.
“What does that make me?” Said the cute little young lady next to me.
“Pipsqueak.” I said.
She pondered the name for a second. “Okay, I like that.”
So Pip was named.

Now if this happened back at the ‘Z’ place I used to work, my friends would have said things like;
“Pip squeak? Wouldn’t a pip moan be better?”

But they were pigs.

Lost in non-translation

Amusing how conversations can mean different things to different people. It’s even more fun when you see your own conversation and know how others would react to it.

If you are lucky, you can steer a conversation down the sidewalk, then with just the right phrase, people’s minds go right off the curb and into the gutter. And you continue down the sidewalk, leaving the pigs to sputter in the gutter.

But you have to know exactly who you are speaking to, to understand what they mean.

So if you were to monitor my IM chat, you would see her plea…
“I am kneeling before you, subservient.”

And I know that all of your minds will go plunging into the gutter.

But all she was saying was, ‘I am very sorry, can you forgive me?’

Sunday, February 26, 2006

How Bizarre

So, YS (younger sister) walks out of her apartment on Thursday morning, to go to work and finds her little puddle-jumper has been stolen!
Now this is a little ’89 Honda Civic, two-door hatchback. The least expensive Honda they made, but a car that has faithfully served YS for years.

Report it to the police, shed a little tear and mentally prepare for looking for a new car. All the time wondering who, in their right mind would seal a 17year old car.

On Friday, she gets a call from the police, here car was found and is in the impound lot! Well, this was wonderful news! Of course, she is wondering if her car has been trashed.

Full of Trepidations, she goes to get it.

The car is okay! Better than that, someone vacuumed it! It hadn’t been vacuumed since…well, a long time ago.
She gets it home and finds there are tools in the back that were stolen from her neighbor the same night. She returns these, but there are some gardening tools that she does not know who they belong to, so they are now hers. As is an empty wallet, a set of keys and there was more change in the ashtray.
Oh, and her steering wheel lock was gone.

So, she and a neighbor pulled the broken passenger window back up and cranked the handle up tight. (This is the window I had mostly fixed a few months ago.)

I think they drilled out the ignition, so I suggested she buy a new ‘club’ steering wheel lock and use it.

YS thinks they should have also washed the car too!

Friday, February 24, 2006

Stop pulling my Organleg

My it’s just going to get easier and easier!

Here is what we know.

Kidney’s run around $40,000 on the black market, according to a recent report.

On TV, I watched a program where they had people pose as underage boys and girls in chatrooms and lure men to come visit them for sex.

If you watch the market, you can buy medical clinics.

I am sure that it would not be so hard to find a semi-competent surgeon to work for cash.

Transportation would not be a problem.

All you would need are a few greedy contacts in some hospitals.

I am sure you can see where this is going. A fairly profitable organlegging operation.

And you know the nice thing?

The victims won’t tell people where they are going.
If you’re caught and people find out you are cutting up and selling pedophiles and perverts for parts, if they find you guilty, you might get community service.

And damn, it would be so easy to lure the sick bastards to a proper end.

Rock and Roll

So I was chatting with E and J at lunch last Wednesday, telling them about the piece of bathroom ceiling that I replaced.
J looked at me, her eyes lit up and she sat up straighter in her chair. It was as if some good looking stud puppy had just walked into the room.
“You do drywall?”
Yes, that look in her eyes said that I could rock her world, or at least one room, or maybe just sheetrock a wall.
I looked at her and said, “Don’t even think about it, darlin’.”

It just goes to prove what Red Green said, ‘If the women don’t find you handsome, at least let them find you handy.’

My lot in life.

And last Saturday, as I came out onto the back deck for a short break, WG looked at me, I had just finished tearing out the piece of the damaged bathroom ceiling. There was sheetrock dusk on me, brown insulation, dirt, and dust.
WG took one look at me and sang, ‘Cause I’mmmm, hooked on a ceiling.’

All I could do is shake my head and wonder; for this, I gave up celibacy?

Okay, I wish I had thought of it, but I can’t always be clever, 24-7.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

The last Night Creature

So, Buttercup is moving to the swing shift, Bubbles to the day shift(and a nice promotion). That just leaves Blossom on the night shift.
Only one night creature left. At least that is what I called them, my night creatures. With a fifteen hour time difference, they were up at night while I inhabited the day. Hard on them.
Of course, the amusing thing is, that perhaps I am becoming their night creature?

But they are my friends and I am quite fond of them. I am always glad when they move on to better things and at least they are not leaving the company, as so many others have.

And at least I have one night creature left.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

seduced into a change



We are working on a change of scenery in the kitchen. Going a little more retro, but with coffee accents.
We had been talking about this for some time and WG has been toying with the idea of going to some color on the walls. More than your standard ‘antique white’
All white appliances sounds good, we will replace them at our leisure. The fridge will be first. It is sixteen years old and will probably fail first.
Then YB (younger brother) and his wife gave us their mostly new white fridge. The avalanche has started.
Paint the walls a creamy gold-yellow, like the 1940 Sunbeam Mixmaster we bought a while ago and that I cleaned and overhauled. Yes, it works.
And you know, a vintage stove would look good in the kitchen too, we agreed.
And I found a slim, (hard to find) 30 inch Wedgewood stove on Craig’s List. About 1950 vintage! For a stove that old, it was in remarkably good shape and clean. Yes, under the burners will need cleaning, but we plan to do a mostly complete overhaul.
Disassemble, clean, repair, replace the insulation. Only two pieces need to be re-enameled! I figure four months of work.

In the meantime, we have the countertops to remove and replace with granite tile.

I suppose if I get weary of the work, I can look at the new coffee mug we have, it says, ‘Coffee! I’ll sleep when I am dead!’

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

A little piece of history

So, in going through some papers of my Grandfathers, I came across a business card of the pastor of a small church in Palouse. The front has his picture and the back lists the service hours. My grandfather lived there as a child, around 1899. The card was in good shape, for being over a hundred years old!
So I googled the pastor's name and found a short history of the church, along with a mention of the pastor. So I emailed the guy who runs the site, to see if he wanted a copy of the card. Yes, he did. So I scanned it and sent it off. So now, when you look at the website, there is a copy of the business card that shows what the Pastor looked like.

Maybe it will be a little piece of some puzzle. Maybe a little piece someone is looking for.

Gw

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Catch up two

So let’s ignore the turmoil around us. The storms that have soaked the area around us, and look at some of the good stuff over the last few months.

Suave said she had a good time at the HS reunion(in November) and found people to talk to. This was good, as she was hoping I would be there. She had the same fear I would have going by myself…what if there was no one to talk to? For people who do not know each other, we both find the other interesting, based on our emails back and forth. Oh well, maybe in five years we will meet?
Of course, my biggest fear was that a former friend would have been there and I would have to figure out how to reach to him. Bad as it may sound, he is one person that I wish was dead. Yes, someday I’ll try to write down what happened.

YS and ES were out here for lunch last week. I spent an hour working on YS’s car door. I got the window to stay up and fixed a few other things on her car. You really don’t want to spend too much on a sixteen year old Honda. Both sisters said that they seriously need to make sure that they live near me so that I can fix things for them. Of course, ES would have to move back from LA.
Well, I know that OB will be moving back here in five years. That will give us another fix-it-man around the area. I am sure that between my brothers, we can keep things running.

Well, we are off to Prickly’s for new year. Perhaps a little less turmoil in the coming year?

Catch up one

So much to do,
So little time.
So many words,
So few that rhyme.
DAC

At least Christmas is over with! I just could not get into the spirit of things this year. Not as bad as last year.
But there were fun things. We went down to LA to see our son. It was his and wonder Girls’ birthday. That was fun. We took the Tommy-dog with us and he kind-of had fun playing with our son’s dog, Enzo. Aka Enzo-matic, aka the devil dog. But 11 month old Jack Russell Terriers are not known to have manners and a puppy is always busy.
We managed to have breakfast with The Catcher. That was nice. WG made our son’s favorite meal for his birthday, Lasagna; dessert was carrot cake. WG is a great cook and there was plenty of food leftover for our son.

Christmas eve and day were quite busy. Dinner at my dad and step mom’s for the night before. Christmas dinner at my Younger Brother’s house. His wife did a great job making sure the dinner went well. She had even invited several folks from her work, who had no Christmas to go to. While YB and his wife kept things going, I helped monitor the tri-tip and chicken; cooking on the barbecue. Younger Sister and Even Sister (you figure it out :-) did most of the prep work and bought the food. When dinner was done, I took over the sink and washed up the dishes. WG, YS, ES, did a lot to help put the food away and clean up. We all work pretty well together and this left the guests time to talk and socialize.

Breakfast, lunch,
And always dinner.
Why is it,
I don’t get thinner?
DAC

Thursday, December 15, 2005

A failure to communicate?

Four email addresses,
four IM’s,
three phone numbers;
not counting work.

Oh, could Prada Girl say she would be in town?

Yeah guys, Communication received. Loud and clear.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Part of the story

I started this story back in June and got stuck with the kettle girl, not knowing what to do with it/her. It was supposed to be 4-5 pages. On the flight back from Boston, I added the rest of the 12 pages.
GW

A Darkness of Auntie
By GW Hogg
©6-25-05


I had been looking forward to Memorial Day weekend ever since last year. I remember the way Nikki looked, smelled, felt; when I held her in my arms and gave her a kiss. A simple kiss on the lips, that evolved in a most wondrous way. Tongues were suddenly not just for talking anymore. I remember the way she looked, as the sun went down over the ocean. Nestled in a quiet spot on the dunes, the suns orange rays added a special light to her face and her short curly brown hair. We lay behind some bushes, listening to the waves, and the sound of the foghorns.
Now, a year later, I looked forward to renewing the friendship, the special warmth one feels when you hold someone close.

The sedan was packed. We squeezed ourselves, and the last minute stuff, into the car then headed out. It was going to be a fun-filled weekend of camping and listening to music. Mom and dad were glad we all wanted to go. Glad we enjoyed the music, even if it was folk music! But my reasons for going were a little different. Sure I enjoyed hiking and exploring around the area, but girls filled most of my thoughts now.
It was crowded in the little compact. Most of you today would call it a full-sized car. Since we were not going far, we would survive. It wasn’t a long drive; over the bridge, through the city, and over the final bridge. My older sister wanted to play her guitar, but there was no room. The fact that she had a propensity to yodel in some of her songs made it more important not to let her sing. Out in the wide prairies, or in the mountains, a yodel could get nicely swallowed up. In the tight confines of a car, our ears would suffer.

My younger brother had his flashlights, tools, map-making equipment and rope ladder. He was all eager to explore the gun emplacements. Wild imaginings of manning the massive guns and blowing up Japanese warships filled his thoughts. No one would bother using those nowadays, not when you could lob an ICBM over the pole in fifteen minutes. But I know what else he was thinking. The bunkers would make good fallout shelters. Especially since the wind tends to blow towards the city.

We were all restless and eager by the time we turned off 101 and drove to the gate. We were in luck; someone was there to open it. The thin, hippie-looking guy checked our reservations and opened the gate. Then it was a slow drive down the gravel road to the parking lot.

We found a nice campsite, not far from the lot and started setting up. It’s always good to get here early, before the Friday afternoon rush. Saturday? You sleep on the hillsides!
My brother and I helped dad set up the heavy tent while mom and sis set up the food. Once that was done, I set up my small tarp and sleeping bag. I didn’t want to be in the tent, it would restrict my prowling. Plus it never got that cold, even when the fog rolled in.

Silly sister grabbed her guitar and went off in search of music. Lunatic brother went exploring. Mom and dad went for a walk on the beach. I went prowling.

When the sun began to dip towards the fog, and the foghorns began their mournful sounds, it was time to head back to camp. I had looked everywhere but found no sign of Nikki. No, we had no set meeting place, we didn’t know who was driving what car. We had just told each other in our letters, that we would try and find each other. She was pretty sure that her parents would not be driving in till Saturday. But there was always hope they could get away early.

Dinner was simple, burgers, chips, and sodas. Burgers grilled outdoors are always better, and dad was pretty good on the fire pit. Then there was chitchat about who did what that day. Silly sis had that look in her eyes and we all knew she was composing a new song. I just hoped I was not around as she stumbled her way through it for the first few times! My brother had found some guys to go exploring with and they were planning a full-scale assault on the bunkers in the morning. After that, there were the lookout posts up on the ridges.
After dinner clean up was quick and dad made sure we all had our flashlights before we went off to listen to the music.

I stopped by the center of the campground and marveled at the two stainless steel kettles and the huge propane tank next to them. It looked as if you could almost take a bath in them!
“What are you cooking?” I asked the pretty girl busy stirring the pots and gave her a smile.
“Stone soup.” She said and smiled back.
“You can really make that?” She looked really nice in just blue jeans, boots and a half laced-up tunic. The view was enticing.
“Yes. Lots of people bring stuff just to be put in the pots.”
“I would think rocks taste the same everywhere. Why would you import them?” Long brown hair and green eyes; a sort of hippie cowgirl.
“Silly we don’t really use rocks.” And then she saw my grin. “I can’t do my work, with you pulling my leg!”
“What’s the diff?” I pointed to the two pots.
“One’s vegetarian. One has meat.”
“Is it any good?”
“It’s coming along. We’re shy a few things.”
“Well, I brought my wrist-rocket. Perhaps I can get you a squirrel.”
“Oh! You wouldn’t do that, would you?”
“Naw. Not enough meat.”
“You’re terrible!”
“Thanks.”
“That wasn’t a compliment.”
“I know.”
“I only have to do this for another half hour. Wanna go for a walk later?”
“Well…look, you’re awful pretty, but there is a friend I met here last year and she arrives tomorrow. I really shouldn’t.”
“She’s your girlfriend?”
“No.”
“Well, then she has no claim on you.”
“But…”
“No buts. Be back here in half an hour and we’ll go for a walk. It’s not like I’m asking you to the Prom!”
“No, it’s not. Okay, I’ll see you in a bit. By the way, my name is Greg.” And I reached over the kettle.
She wiped her hand on her apron and shook mine. “Cindy. Nice to meet you Greg. See you in a half. And bring some salt!”
“Okay Cindy.” I waved and ambled over to the next clearing and set of picnic tables. Four guys with guitars and a gal with a banjo where busy playing, singing and laughing. There were kids around the fire pit, roasting marshmallows and singing along. Kids have it so easy at times. Sweets and a song and they are happy. My thoughts were just starting down into one of my sister’s songs. ‘Oh come on now!’ I thought to myself. ‘It’s not like you are cheating on your wife! Cindy knows there is someone else. All she did was ask you to go for a walk. What’s the harm in that?’
I walked on until I found another group singing around another fire pit. They sounded much more interesting.
“Roll me o-ver, in the clo-ver.
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.
Now this is number three,
fancy friggin, fast and free.
Roll me over,
Lay me down
And do it again!”

Okay, this is my kind of music! I sat down and a lady handed me a cup. She first grabbed a bottle of wine, then looked at me a second time and grabbed a jug of lemon-aid.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Do you know the songs?”
“Sure do! My dad has a bunch of these records.”
“Good, we need to be able to drown out the yodelers on the other side of those bushes!” And she winked at me.
“Be glad to help.”

The song came to an end and they launched into ‘A Gob is a slob’. The group soon noticed that I had changed genders on the song and they let me finish the last half, just to see if I could fix the end. I did, and there was a good round of applause.
“Nicely done young man.” The lady next to me said.

We all launched into ‘Bell Bottom trousers’ and finished that with a lot of laughter. It was time to go. I thanked them all and they told me to come back anytime.

It was a short walk back to Cindy. It was getting dark, but I could still see without the flashlight.

She was just taking off her apron when I got there.

(The story continues, but I felt that 17 pages was too much to post. At least this gives you a taste. I can send you the rest if you want. Just email me. GW)

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Fishsticks


I think I was perhaps seven, maybe eight. (Mom and Dad might remember.) It was dinner time, but we were told we had to put our laundry away first. “And don’t use the back stairs, the door sticks.” Said mom.

So I grabbed my stack, and as the rest of the kids went to use the front stairs, I headed to the back of the house. I knew a secret way to open the door.

Into the back sun porch, up the steep narrow stairs and I was in the upstairs sun porch. The sun porch filled the whole back side of the house and the three walls were covered with windows. The floor was a sealed blue Linoleum and there were little drain holes at the corners. I suppose in case you left the windows open. Mom said that originally, there were no windows.

There was a double-hung window in the fourth wall and it led to my bedroom. Between the window and the door to the stairs, was the sticking door. A regular door with glass panes. I knew that if I ran at the door, my arm out front, and hit the wood side of the door with my palm; I could pop the door open. I had done it before and I felt clever. So I put my laundry down, backed up and ran at the door, hitting it with my palm.

And my palm went right through the glass!

I don’t remember screaming, but mom and dad we there in seconds. Nor do I recall the blood pouring from my sliced up arm. But I suppose I must have bled like a stuck pig. Mom disappeared and then reappeared, wrapping my arm in a white towel. Then my dad carried me down the front stairs and outside to the van for the drive to the doctor’s office. It was an English Thames, with a metal cover on the engine, between the driver and passenger seats. I remember mom placing the backing sheet with fishsticks on the engine cover.

So as we drove to the doctors, at least the four other kids could eat dinner. I don’t think I ate, I was probably being held safely on my mom’s lap, as dad drove.

I do recall my older brother telling me that I would get a lollipop for each stitch the doctor had to do.

I wonder if there were emergency rooms back in 1964? Today, that is where you go. But back then, we were driving across town to Dr Payne’s office. I guess dad called ahead, because there was a doctor waiting. Not Dr. Payne, I guess she had the night off.

It’s funny how people talk of how traumatized kids can get by some disaster. But I think that kids can be very resilient and over time, an incident can just become a footnote in a persons life.

So I sat there, as the doctor washed the blood off my arm. It didn’t look too bad, a small slice in my thumb, two parallel cuts over my wrist. An interesting group of gouges close to my elbow, they looked like a thin leaf and a wide leaf, joined together. Unlike leaves, these were bright red. Oh, and one little cut at my elbow.

The needle injects the Novocain around the leaves and the doc begins to stitch things up. I don’t remember seeing the stitching, so I am sure I wasn’t allowed to watch. Then some butterfly bandages and wrap my right arm in gauze and stuff.

We piled back into the van and started the drive home. “There are some fishsticks left, if your hungry.” Mom said. “But your little sister ate all the ends off. That’s the only part she likes.” So I munched on lukewarm fishsticks as we drove home.

Oh course, I had to explain why I did what I did. And yes, a good example of why you should listen to your mother. And yes, perhaps the lesson didn’t sink in that well.

I do remember that my older brother and I thought it was real neat that the blood on the floor was still wet after three hours. Good thing it was linoleum, for it made it easier for my mom to mop up. I don’t remember if she had trouble cleaning up the trail of blood that lead to the front door. Dad carefully removed the broken glass from the door and later replaced it with a board.

Dad said that if I had not pulled my hand out quickly, but done it slowly and carefully, I might not have been cut as badly.

Years later, mom told me that if the two parallel cuts were much deeper, then it would have slice my tendons and would have lost the use of my right hand.

Oh, and there were seven little stitches. And no lollipops! My older brother was telling fibs!

Postscript- My brothers and sisters could not add much detail, neither could my mom and dad. But oldest sisters said that mom forgot the ketchup for the fishsticks!

Sunday, October 30, 2005

A Recipe for Disaster

But incomplete.

You sometimes hear that phrase, and yes, at times, you can look at a situation and say, “Wow, that was sure a recipe for disaster!”

But every kitchen has that. Cabinets filled with ingredients, pilot light on the stove is burning, the refrigerator filled with food, recipe books on the shelf. Depending how you mix and cook thing, determines what you have to eat for dinner.

Last night’s ingredients are(in no specific order)
HSGF-High School Girlfriend, that I have known and loved for thirty years.
We get together for dinner, or the Reunion, every five years.
She has driven into town for the weekend, by herself.
She is staying at her dads' house, but he is away for the weekend.
I am driving into town to see her and have dinner with her.
And yes, the pilot light is always lit.

We had a really nice evening. Dinner was simple, at a nice burger place, then it was back to her dad’s house where we talked a bit about our high school days. Then we pulled out pictures of our families and got caught up on the trials and tribulations of raising kids, what our brothers, sisters, moms, dads were doing.
We had a great time.
Then it was time for me to go home. A long hug, a kiss on the cheek and off to home I go.

And that is the end of the story until we meet again in five years.


What you don’t see in the recipe book, is the ingredient where we trust ourselves not to make a move, we trust each other not to make a move. Our spouses trust us. Because you just don’t do things to jeopardize everyone’s trust. And that is the main ingredient.

And if we both were single? That is a different recipe and a different story.