Saturday, April 28, 2007

Less than perfect.

Amusing that if Wonder-Girl falls asleep while watching one of her shows I have to be careful when changing the channel. If I lower the volume and switch to one of the network channels, no problem.
But if I switch to the History Channel and start watching ‘Modern marvels’; she invariable wakes up and mumbles, ‘Turn it back.’ I switch back, and she falls asleep again.

I kinda wish she was like Skinner or Filet. Both of them love the History Channel. Well, I guess you can’t have everything.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Sayings

Things I heard a friend say.
Or things I have said
Or things I wished I had said.

--
I’ve still got a few tricks up my sleaze.
--
Is a man more than the scum of his parts?
--
I may be slime, but at least I’m self lubricating.
(does that work better for a woman? :-)
--
You know where his mind is at.
Every time he gets an idea, you see it!
MTM
--
‘Cook?’
‘Don’t ever call me the ‘C’ word!
RP
--
Love hurts,
but only if the cuffs are too tight.
--
The last time I let my feminine side out,
she slapped me!
--
It’s not that things have gone down the toilet yet;
but the waters are swirling around us(me).
--
My mia culpa runneth over!
--
Are butts all their cracked up to be?
--
I have so many black marks,
it makes the white ones look bad
--
So much to do, so little time.
So many words, so few that rhyme.
--
Breakfast, lunch,
And always dinner.
Why is it,
I don’t get thinner?
--
Never hurry a naked woman.
--
Waist not,
flaunt not.

--
The voices say I should not listen to them.
--
Why is it called infidelity,
when you are out of fidelity?
--
What’s yours is mine and what’s mine is mine.
WG
--
Hey, we’re friends, you share
WG
--
As Grandpa used to say, “I’ve become a believer in old wives tails.”
--
Can you get to a stable relationship by horsing around?
--
It’s the singer, not the thong.
--
Does enlightening ever strike twice?
--

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Kith the girls and make them cry.

Well, I don’t think that I have ever done that; but I do like the little pun in there. However, since most of my friends are girls, you can say I ‘kith the girls’ (And don’t even try to get uppity with me. I won’t use ‘female’ or ‘woman’ The old saying uses ‘girls', so I will use ‘girls’ But I digress :-).
Unfortunately, there is a danger there. By becoming friends, you grow fond of them. You like them and you would like to see them happy. I suppose, by being a friend; that makes them happy to some degree. Someone likes them more for just who they are. Someone to remind them that yes, they are quite fetching. Someone who simply likes to be their friend.
So I want to see them happy. Want them to find someone who sees what a nice person they are. Someone that they can fall in love with and who will, in turn, love them back. I can’t do that. And I am puzzled at times, to understand why someone does not see them as I see them. For it can’t be that I am the only one who sees them is such a positive light?

So I sit and watch, and count them off. This one seems to have found a nice guy. This one is now married and happy. Oh, I so wish that she could find someone.
Someone to make her happy.
Then I would be happy.

And I wouldn’t think that sometimes; it’s kith the girls and make me cry.

An, a pit of knees.

(see, it doesn’t quite work. I could try, an a pit of needs, but it just doesn’t flow into ‘an epiphany’.)
My arms, my shoulders, my knees are froze.
Well, mostly, my knees. They were sore this morning, they will be sore tomorrow. But most of the eves are painted and the wood on the house is prepped. (Thanks in large part to Wonder Girl, who has been working tirelessly at my side this last week. Or perhaps it is I that has been working tirelessly at her side? :-)
Either way, we have gotten a lot done. I will be glad to go to work tomorrow and let my poor body relax.

But there has been no rest for the wicked. Saturday, while it rained and I couldn’t paint, I drove over to my dad and stepmom's house and spent the day installing a new kitchen faucet and repairing the bathroom drain.
I hate working on old houses with galvanized pipe(their house is eighty years old). Everything is fragile and you have to be very careful. At least with the faucet, I was careful and brought everything. From new nipples, shutoff valves etc. I learned a long time ago to replace everything. After all, the stuff is old and any part could break or leak at any time. So you replace everything.
Faucet done in two hours and went well.
The bathroom drain was a bastard. The bad leaky fitting in the basement broke off in my hands. But because of the limited space, I couldn’t cut off the pipe like I wanted. So when I attached the new fitting, the drain pipe moved out an inch. So the other end of the pipe, upstairs, moved in an inch. Into the wall an inch, so now the pipe from the sink would no longer reach the drain pipe. I tried various things with the pipe in the basement, but I couldn’t make it better. So a trip down to the hardware store for a new (longer) P-trap.
With a new P-trap. The job was done in five minutes. What I thought was going to be a simple job took three hours.

And now it’s Sunday and my knees are sore and stiff. I would say that I am getting too old for this, but my dad is much older. I couldn’t have my dad doing this kind of stuff. He can’t twist and turn like I can. And you know, after all he has done to help me grow up, the lest I can do is fix a few plumbing problems.

I joked to a friend of mine, that when I get old, I am going to buy a house next to my son so I can be a burden on him! :-)
Actually, I would like to live near him, so he can come and help his old man. And I can listen to him complain about his knees!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Women don’t know

We were watching ‘what not to wear’ the other day and there was this odd looking woman on the show. WG said ‘If she plucked her brows, she could be a knockout.’
‘No.’ I answered, ‘she could never be a knockout.’ WG gave me a funny look. I didn’t add that the gal could not be a knockout even if you double-bagged her and turned the lights out. And the fact that you could use her eyebrows for paint brushes had nothing to do with it.

Oh don’t even start with me. You all know people that you find attractive and those you don’t. But have you ever thought of why you do or don’t?

The next day we were talking about Skinner and WG said, ‘Well, she’s not very attractive.’
I didn’t say a word. Women never like to be contradicted in this situation.
Skinner is very attractive. Though sometimes, cameras catch her in a less than attractive light.

And I can tell you the quick one-word reason for the difference between these two women. Proportion.
The first woman had a body shape that was just…well wrong. Nothing fit, flowed, or worked. Legs too long for her body, posture sucks. (Okay, and her face was seriously not worth looking twice at.) Plucking her eyebrows wouldn’t change a thing.
Skinner, though petite, has everything in approximately the correct proportions.

And women can never see this. The will get stuck on eyebrows, or breasts. Sorry, they really don’t matter that much.
Is she proportional? Does she have the .7 hips to waist ratio? Is her face symmetrical?

Oh, my personal preference, does she have a good smile? Is there a hint of an impish sense of humor? Can you see the intelligence in her eyes? And when she smiles, do her eyes sparkle?

So remember ladies, you don’t know what we find attractive. And if we find you attractive, shut up and don’t negate it. Nothing is more annoying!

Not a kid anymore

A small vacation and we are painting part of the outside of the house. Just the eves and trim. The walls will be easier and later.
I bought US a pressure washer to scrub the walls. WG has already found other uses for it. She will soon be able to scrub down all kinds of stuff in the backyard. Deck, driveway, fish pond. She will have fun with it.
But right now it’s all climbing ladders and painting under the eves. It is slow work have it sure makes your hands, neck and back tired.
Since I am a little younger than WG, it does take quite the toll on me that it takes on her. But it is not a big difference.
I do agree with her, that next time, we will hire it done.
We aren’t kids anymore and ten years from now, we will be even less.

A Muse to amuse

Sometimes, the Muse climbs up my back, parks her cute little butt on my shoulder and starts to whisper in my ear.
If I have time, I can listen, mull over what she says, play with the ideas and then weave the story.
If I am really lucky, I can get it written down.

Alas, at times I can’t concentrate on the Muse. And when I finally have the time to think it over and write it down, the story idea is incomplete. No matter what I do, I just can’t get the ideas to weave together.
And you can’t force a Muse.
And I am stuck with a fragment…

Green Eyed Monster

In the warm humid night, a dark shape glided down onto the roof. The sylph-like figure climbed onto the parapet at the edge of the roof and hunkered down. Her sharp talons dug into the cement and she balanced effortlessly on the thin edge. Her glowing eyes scanned the night sky. Lori was hungry, always hungry, but she waited, motionless, patient.

She did not have long to wait. For within the hour, she saw a shape coming across the night sky. Dark against the starry sky, the shape flew silently.
‘I told them we had to watch.’ She thought to herself. ‘What good is power unless you exercise it occasionally? If you don’t, they will doubt your power.’ She smiled to herself, as she watches the dark shape fly closer.

Still motionless and undetected, only her eyes moved as she tracked the shape as it slowly glided down towards the hotel below. It appeared to almost stop in mid-air, then alight on the balcony wall. Then she smiled as the shape almost lost its balance and half fell onto the balcony.
“Amateur.” She hissed derisively as she stood and unfurled her dark leathery wings. She effortlessly launched herself off the parapet.

The young man didn’t hear the thump on his balcony, nor the noise of the sliding glass door slowly opening. He stirred a little, when a wing thumped into the door frame, but continued to sleep.

‘Foolish mortal.’ Nuby thought as she came through the doorway. ‘Leaving your door unlocked made it too easy.’ She walked slowly to the bed, her talons silent on the deep carpet. He was big and she would feast well tonight. She bent down and could sense their mark on him, smell where they had touched him. ‘It means nothing.’ She thought. ‘Your marks do not frighten me.’
His eyes suddenly opened and she met them, held them. “You are dreaming of a young woman in your room.” She commanded. His startled look was replaced by one of dreamy lust. She sat on the bed and let his eyes rove over her. “Embrace me.”
As he sat up and snaked his arms around her, she could feel his warmth, feel the life pulsing through him. Soon it would be hers.
She kissed him gently on the lips then moved her mouth over to his neck. “I doubt they even suspect.” She whispered to herself.

“I don’t suspect, I know!” A voice hissed behind her.
Startled, Nuby leaped to her feet and spun around, her wing scraping against the young man’s arm.
Lori’s arm was already in motion and her backhand cracked into the side of Nuby’s face. Stunned for a moment, she could not defend herself as Lori’s other hand, clenched into a tight fist, smashed into her jaw. Pain exploded through her head as she fell back on to the carpet.

Ignoring her adversary for a moment, Lori walked over to the dazed young man. She gently raised his chin until he was caught in her gaze.
“You had a strange dream tonight, nothing more. You will tell no one about it, for saying that you dreamt of us being in your room, well, it would embarrass all of us.” He nodded.
Lori noticed that he had a cut on his arm and that there was a thin trickle of blood oozing down his arm.
“A cut here is more dangerous than you can imagine, my friend.” She said as she leaned forward and licked the blood off his arm, savoring the warm salty taste.
“Mmmm…the taste of you on my lips always thrills me. But now is not the time and I will have to be patient. Lie down, go to sleep.”
As he did as he was told, she turned her attention to the poacher who was still lying stunned on the floor. She reached down and despite her slim build, pulled Nuby to her feet.

(seriously needs more work)

Monday, March 26, 2007

Annoying the Sylphid

The Sylphid how are u?
GW Hogg Working hard, as usual. Flirting with the 'second-hand-night-creatures' :-)
The Sylphid dang! flirting huh?! tsk tsk
GW Hogg what is so wrong with that?
The Sylphid I am soooo not hearing this. You don't ever do that to second-hand night creatures. Only to the original ones :P
GW Hogg oh, so now you're turning into a 'green-eyed monster'? :-)
The Sylphid it's right now dark green
GW Hogg 'Green-eyed Angel', dark green because she is an Angel with a smudge? And I am safe from her, thousands of miles away. :-)
The Sylphid u just wait when we meet again
GW Hogg I am not worried. For when we meet again, my smile will melt your anger. :-)
The Sylphid bwhahahahhah
The Sylphid you are confident are you? hehehhehe
GW Hogg yes, I am

--
It is so much fun chatting with friends. I can pretend that I am paying attention to another and my friend will pretend that she is jealous.

Hmmm…I wonder if I can fold this into the other ‘Night Creature-Vampire tidbits?

And you wonder where I get my ideas from.

Answers and questions

People spend serious time dealing with silly questions.

The answer is, it makes a sound, not a noise.

You don’t even have to be a scientist to know this. Any English teacher can tell you this answer.

The other silly part is, who cares? Did the tree fall on you and hurt you? No, because no one was there. So who cares?
And yet, I am sure there are Philosophy majors that can waste endless time debating such a silly question.

If I am going to waste time trying to puzzle something out, it needs to have some meaning. Some consequence.

So when I can’t sleep at night, or I am relaxing on my back deck, I’ll sit and wonder; what did she really mean when she said,
‘I only give lip service to oral sex.’

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Amore

How does one tell what kind of eel it was that bit him?

If an eel swims you by
And takes a bite of your thigh
That’s a Moray.

I was thinking (I know, dangerous for me to do), as I was reading some stories recently. It occurred to me how most vampire stories have the person being bitten on the neck. You know that no doctor today would ever say, “Strange these two marks on her jugular vein. I wonder what caused them?”
Everybody knows what caused them!
And by now, any sensible vampire would bite a victim anywhere but on the neck.
If we add to this mix that a hundred years ago, an embrace with a kiss on the neck was pretty darned erotic. (Okay, if WG kisses me on the neck, that’s pretty darned erotic! But I digress)
If someone wants to make their vampire story racier, they have to spice it up a little more. What better way than to have her kiss her victim on the thigh, a little higher, a little higher. And just when you think she will move to the main event, she takes a bite out of his thigh! After all, there is a nice big artery there.

So if I ever put the story together, you will wonder how the poor guy ever explain why there is this hole in his leg.

“I don’t really remember how it happened. One moment I was swimming in the ocean with my friends and I saw this eel. The next thing I remember, I awoke in the Doctors office while they were stitching me up.
I guess it was a Moray.”

But I still wonder, when the vampire bites, is that amore?

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Not sure

Odd, but she seems nice.
Not sure who she is.
Barely know her.
But her smile bothers me.
Not a ‘Danger Will Robinson.’, but a whisper.
Quite, barely audible.

Danger, be careful.

Danger

Danger

Why?

You don’t know me

Isn’t it funny when you get a message on a networking site. The gal says she just moved to the area and was looking up people.
She says she saw my picture and thought I was cute.
And I should visit her page and send her a message.

But why would I want to contact someone who’s eyesight is so bad that they think this-


Is cute.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

It’s always quiet here.

Not that I am complaining, but life goes along nice and uncomplicated.
The weekend was two beautiful spring days lined up together.

So we mowed lawns, trimmed some bushes. A little tightening of some fittings on the sprinkler system ran the sprinklers.

Some painting, moved the fireplace insert from the garage into the fireplace. It looks good! WG did a nice job cleaning and painting it.

Washed the dog.

Like I said, nice and quiet.

Now I could write every day, about my life, but I fear I would bore you.

Much more interesting to make things up, write them down and post them here. The only problem is that these postings are in reverse order. So what you see now is based on something written earlier. So if you don’t understand the contest, keep reading.

The Incurable Wound

It has been months since my trip to the islands. I still talk to my friends there, exchange emails, but something tells me that they had more of an effect of me than I realized.

Like most people, I dream. Perhaps unlike many, I remember my dreams. Some are odd, some erotic; but most are nice, pleasant, meaningless dreams. Since my return, however, I have been plagued by the most unsettling dreams. The odd thing is how similar they are. I dream that the three of us are together and that I am one of the three. It is weird seeing the world through her eyes, feeling her feelings. I have talked to many women over the years, but none have ever expressed feelings like the ones I remember her having.
Most involved the trio being out at night. Walking through darkened parks, dancing at clubs; and meeting men.
Usually that’s all there is to the dreams, at least that’s all I can remember. That is until this last one.
It is early afternoon right now. I am sitting on my deck and enjoying the warm sunshine. And yet, the thought of the dream gives me a chill.

And the dream started like this-
She is walking through the park, on her way home from a night at the clubs. Her two friends have gone in the other direction, back to their homes. Now a young lady should not be walking through the dark park by herself, but she feels no fear. Despite the darkness, she can see everything. She also knows there is someone behind her. For not only can she hear his light footsteps, she can feel his presence.
The path curves ahead and behind. She cannot be seen by anyone, so she melts into the shadow of a small bush. Moments later, she sees him come round the curve of the path. Tall, strong, handsome, she can see the confidence in his stride. She can feel his manliness emanating from him. She smiles to herself, as she feels the lust well up inside her. Her heart quickens and she knows the aching hunger inside her will soon be satisfied.
When he is almost upon her, she steps from the shadows and blocks his path. He is startled, but only for a moment. He remembers her from the club, bright smile and a hunger in her eyes. He knows what she wants, knows she wants it from him, as all women do. With supreme confidence, he walks up to her and wraps his arms around her. She wraps herself around him, pulling him close. Lips meet, travel; hands roam, their breathing quickens.
She pulls away for a moment and looks him in the eyes. The dark blackness sucks him in and he feels his will leaving him.
“You cannot resist me.” She whispers and he is lost.
Immobilized, he no longer comprehends what is happening. Barely notices as she sinks down to her knees. Roughly, she pulls his pants down and feels along his thigh until her fingers feel the pulse of the large artery. Overcome by lust, she sinks her teeth into his leg, ripping out a chunk of his hot flesh.
Only a small gasp escapes his lips.
She spits out the chunk of flesh and hungrily fastens her lips to the gaping wound. As she gulps down the warm salty blood, the feeling of ecstasy consumes her.

Sometime later, her mind slowly clears. She is standing over the now lifeless shell of what was once a young man. She licks her lips and savors the last tasty drops of his blood. She let herself get carried away again. Took it all, instead of just what she needed. But she knows she will not have to feed again for a long time.

Effortlessly, she lifts him up and carries him deeper into the dark park. She stops by a manhole cover and drops him. She easily pulls off the heavy iron cover and looks down into the city sewer. A good place for the likes of him, she thinks. She then reaches into her purse and pulls out a wicked looking knife. “I don’t want you coming back and hunting in my territory.” She says.
With deft skill, she cuts through his neck and then snaps the spine. First, the body is thrown down into the sewer, then the head follows. She easily places the heavy cover back over the manhole and nonchalantly heads for home.


And as I sit here on my deck, sipping a cold beer, I try to understand what the dreams mean. I am afraid that they are somehow related to the small wound on my leg. The wound that never seems to heal, but always stays an angry red.
But most of all, I fear what may happen to me if I ever go back to the islands and see my friend.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Night Creatures in the daylight

Once upon a midnight dreary,
while I pondered weak and weary,
over many an ancient volume of forgotten Shaoi lor
--

I have been reading some old vampire stories from 1850 to1900. Some were hard to read, because of how the language is used; but most were surprisingly good.

One of the interesting aspects was that in several stories, vampires would be out during the day. Interesting how the legends and myths have differences, we accept the ‘current’ ideas in the film and books; perhaps never knowing the other ideas.

So then, if I decide to make up more interesting stories of my vampire friends, I can show them as out in the daylight?

This could make things interesting.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

So, here is where it began.


When I got my first PC at work ( 1995, I still rue the day, since I was forced to move from MAC’s); the IT person said, “Give me a name for your computer. One that no one else will use.” I looked at my bulletin board and the birthday card that my Even-sister had sent me. “Warthog” I said.
The It person gave me a distasteful look. “Warthog?”
“You said to pick a name that no one else would use.”
“Okay.” She said.

Well, here is the card that started it.

(I'll see if I can get a better scan)

Friday, March 02, 2007

Year of the…whatever

Amusing, how you see one place say it’s the year pig, another says it’s the year of the boar. They say it as if there is no difference. I would be curious to know a better translation.
Different words carry different meaning.

Like the time, years ago, when a bunch my coworkers were looking over a copy of the Chinese zodiac and seeing what their year meant. Someone asked me the year I was born and when they looked it up, announced that it was the year of the rooster.
Then they looked up my friend Filet’s year. She read it and then turned to me and said, “Hey Warty, it says here that my best friend’s a cock!”

It took ten minutes for the laughter to die down.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Taking it to the next level.

I have always enjoyed jokes about people hearing voices and what the voices say.
--
The other day, NDN comes over to say hi and she is wearing a great T-shirt. It says,
I hear voices
And they don’t like you!

I immediately thought of this scenario:
There is a couple sitting in a cafĂ©. She is breaking up with the guy and she says: “Honestly, it not you, it’s me.” Then she hits her head with the palm of her hand. “Actually, it’s the voices I hear. And they don’t like you!”
--
The other day we were visiting WG’s Aunt Obie. She said the doctor was a little concerned because her heart murmur was a little louder and he wanted to run some tests. She said didn’t even know she had a heart murmur.
“And you thought you were starting to hear voices!” I said. Aunt Obie had a good laugh over that one.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Chasing something?

If I lay here, if I just lay here.
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Snow Patrol

I like the song a lot; I can understand the feeling. Last week, this song woke me three different times. Not a good song to wake up to. For after I turned the alarm off, I rolled over and snuggled next to my wife. Could I just lie there? Let the world spin outside our door? It can wait. It’s so much better just lie there with my head next to hers, feel her warmth.
But of course I can’t. So I give her a little kiss on the cheek and say, “Good morning honey. It’s time to get up.”
She turns and looks at me through half opened eyes and smiles at me. A soft warm hug is shared, the world is still far away.

But the lines of the song haunt me on the dog walk. For I am not fully awake and my mind makes odd connections. One of those odd connections is to something an old friend of mine asked me almost two years ago. We were chatting on the phone and out of the blue she asked me-
“If I had asked you to marry me, would you have said yes?”
During the next two seconds, I had to jump back to a time long ago. I was what? Maybe nineteen? Twenty? How did I really feel about her?
“Yes, I would have.”
I don’t remember the next thing she said and the conversation shifted to something else.

But I felt a certain disquiet from her question, for it’s not something I ever thought about. When a relationship ends, it ends. You don’t sit and wonder about ‘might have been’, unless…

For you can endlessly wonder what would have happened if you asked the shy girl out? If you went left, not right? If she offered you a cup of coffee, instead of the glass of wine? All those times you made a choice, or a choice was made for you.

I haven’t thought much about what if’s, for my life has been good. And it continues to be good. All the choices I have made have lead me here, lying next to WG each morning, wishing the world would stay away for just a few more minutes, so I could enjoy just us.

The disquiet comes from the thought that my friend doesn’t might not feel the same as I, when she is lying next to her husband. I hope not, for I would like to think, hope, that she is as happy as I am.

And it would bother me immensely if I knew she was wondering if perhaps she should have asked me.