Monday, January 26, 2009

Righting #1

RIGHTING 2009

Tidbits that serve no purpose. A collection of puns, funny sayings, slips of the tongue and one-liners that I have thought up, but am still polishing.(or can’t bear to throw away.)
And yes, I would like royalties.
--
What’s a woman’s ideal wait?

A bird in the hand is better than one on the internet

Plain white tease

Dude, it’s called KY jelly, not penetrating oil!

Running a fowl of a wild goose chase

“I don’t think we have been improperly seduced, I mean properly introduced”
She slowly looked me up and down. “I think you were right the first time.”

I’d rather have to shampoo the carpet, than hose your blood off the street. (did I read that somewhere?)

I was too young for the 60’s, so I missed the drug experimentation. But I did get in on the tail end of the free love part.

Maybe the lesbian couldn’t say, “Let me get this straight.” Or “Give it to me straight.”

A vestigial virgin. Not a virgin, but she still has the box it came in.

I am like a canary without a coal mine.

I know women who would kill to have her body…
…And guys who would pay money just to touch it.

I tried to eavesdrop on the gynecologist, but only got snatches of conversation.

As the Englishman said, ‘May I give you a Brit of advice?”

She looked around and said. “Is it global warming? Or is it just me that’s hot.”

Auntie climatic

An inconvenient troth?

Does it take a village to define a village idiot?

Caught in Candy

Life’s a beach. Then you get sand in really uncomfortable places.

The world is my oyster, but I am allergic to shellfish.

Militias prosecution

Living vicariously through you
Living precariously through you.
Living bi-curiously through you.

Beware the virgin who’s tattoo says. “You break it, you buy it.”

Do gay polygamists tell tales of their four fathers.

She was like a farce of nature

I am not ignoring you, the voices drown you out.

The voices talk to me because they think I am real

It’s like looting the cabins onboard the Titanic

If turnabout is fair play, what is foreplay?
(are twins four-play?)

Do you want me to list my girlfriends gynecological? I mean chronologically.

When you go trolling for trollops, should you us a reprobate?

Authors know when two wrongs make as write.

Are ‘Cougars’ mounting lions?

Tweens – The age between ‘hello kitty’ and ‘Hello Sailor’

‘So, do you want to help me take over the government?’ She coup’d in my ear.

Everything but the kitchen slink. (relate to the dogs slinking into the kitchen to get a snack?)

I’d like to follow my bliss, but she got a restraining order.

Dude, when they asked if you were an abuse survivor, self-abuse doesn’t count!

She said she would try to, ‘crack the art of being your own lover.’

Helping the marginally breedable continue to procreate.

Looking for a little piece and quiet

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Pipsqueak

Pipsqueak - Informal. a contemptibly small or unimportant person; a twerp.
Pip - Informal. someone or something wonderful: Last night's party was a pip.
Squeak - a sharp, high-pitched sound.


I stumbled across an archive site and realized that I could continue the tracking of my missing Pipsqueak.
It's become a kind of game and maybe more fun than a computer game. It is interesting what people archive and this place isn't complete.
When my emails bounced last year from the two accounts she had and her blogs all vanished, I did the usual googling, but this only gave me places where people mentioned her name. Unusual also was that a lot of the mentions were in abandoned places. (will companies ever purge the old inactive blogs? Judith, your blog might last forever?)

The archive had most of her blog, which was interesting to reread, but more importantly, it gave me names of people who were her friends. From there I tracked down a few email addresses of her friends and I sent some emails.
I received an answer, of sorts, saying that Pip had some troubles and had to remove all records of herself.

There was a trace of her real name last month and she did change jobs.

So that’s all I know.

And I’ll wait for a squeak. (A wonderful sound?)

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Creating Monsters

One of my Cebuana coworkers emailed me, requesting a meeting to go over the output of a report.
But instead of a simple request there was this added little hook,

“I know you can't say "NO" to me...hehehe...bcoz I'm one of your favorites...let me remind you of that ;-)”

Oh sure, laugh all you want. My life can be very difficult.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Searchin

“Well, Sherlock Holmes, Sam Spade got nothin', child, on me.
Sergeant Friday, Charlie Chan and Boston Blackie.
I don’t care where she's a hiding she'll never hear me a comin'.
Gonna stealth through the Internet like Bulldog Drummond”

'Cause I've started searchin'.
Oooh, Lord, now searchin', mm child.
Searchin' every which a-way, yay, yay.
But I'm like the Northwest Mounties.
You know I'll bring her in some day.
Gonna find her. (searchin – Coasters)

Okay, so I am not Boston Blackie, but I think it’s time to really dig through the Internet and see if I can find The Pipsqueak.

I was digging in the ether recently and managed to get into the Plasticine level and found curious records of deleted blogs. So I am going to go digging and see if I can find what happened a little over a year ago and why she vanished from the ether.
Perhaps she lost track of my email addresses; perhaps I said something to upset her (I doubt that)
But I think it might be fun to play detective.( I can always ask Older Brother for hints.)

Or frustrating.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

New Age

I stood there and thought to myself. “They are all black and they all look the same.”
I just had to smile at that thought and see the humor in it. It was also fun to see the realization sink into Aunt Obie.
And I knew that we could tell her something until we were blue in the face. She had to see it.
All those TV’s lining the walls of the store looked so similar; black and shiny.
For as we left the house, Obie said that she wanted a new TV that looked like furniture.
Yes, just like her old, dying, console TV. Circa 1980, twenty-five inch, built in stereo, genuine simulated wood grain veneer.
‘Obie’, we said, ‘they don’t make console TV’s anymore.’ Sound bouncing off deaf ears

The sound acted up a few times and she realized that she should just buy a new one. Especially since the broadcasters are all going to digital next month.
The TV still works and the picture is decent. I guess Zenith was not far off when they used to say, “The quality goes in before the name goes on.”
But after more than twenty-two years, it’s okay to buy a new one.

And all Obie could see was the oblong black plastic frames. No wood grain. No square screen. No white, blue or pink.
No consol models, no furniture.

And now eighty-eight-year old Aunt Obie has a nice little 26” LCD TV sitting on top of her Hi-fi speaker (real wood) Oh, but you don’t know what Hi-fi is, do you?
But I digress.
I think she is pleased with the setup and we will visit her in a few weeks just to check on things.

Not a bad day

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Fact or friction

Aye that’s the rub.
One of my chat buddies recently asked me what was the truth, in my blog. I pondered that for a while since I never thought of it before. Most of my friends, if they actually read this, know me well enough to know what is the truth, what I makeup and laugh when I blend the two.
But now I have strangers reading this blog and while I am sure some of the fiction is obvious, most may not be.
I have added labels, to identify the stories, then could not think of what other labels to use. So for now, I will leave it to my occasional readers to decide what is real, and what is unreal.

Monday, January 05, 2009

The F word

Beware the ‘F’ word, that’s all I can say.
Well, perhaps not all I can say, but an important part of what I have to say. For I have found that you have to dodge it, dance around it. Because once it is said, there is no turning back.
This was made very clear to me earlier this year when I happened to call up one of my ducklings in Boston. Degg answered the phone and I said, “How’s my favorite Duckling?”
She answered with a halting, quivering voice; “I’m…not…your…favorite…Duckling!”
“What do you mean? Yours is the first picture in the album and the caption says ‘My Favorite Duckling.’
“Yes.” She said. “And the next picture shows someone else and it says, ‘another favorite duckling’. So I am NOT your Favorite!”

Yes, I was soooo busted. So I have removed all references to ‘Favorite’. I should have remembered what my mom used to always say, ‘There can only be one favorite.’
(yeah, shut up mom. :-)
But it is difficult not to play favorites, for as you all know, in a group of friends, you might have a favorite in that group. Best if I don’t say who that might be. For I have seen even the darkest Cebuana eyes turn green!

So I was quite careful on my last trip to Cebu and never said who was my favorite. This is especially true since people have changed departments and now I have several favorites working together!

And you never know who is looking over someone’s shoulder, reading the chat session! So we have learned to avoid the F word and will just stick to calling each one a friend.

And if you are one of my special friends, well you know who you are and we should keep that to ourselves. Neither of us wants green-eyed monsters on the loose!.

“Favorite - a person or thing regarded with special favor or preference”

Can’t I have several?

A Goddess Walks Among Us

A Goddess Walks Among Us
(related to the ‘Inky-Sucky’ series?)
By GW Hogg
©2-7-08
She walked down the city street as if she owned it. Not tall, but with her head held high and shoulders back, she appeared much taller than her five feet, four inches. Her light blue dress fit her perfectly, showing off her ample curves. That it also revealed a little more tanned leg than might be proper was planned.
She knew men watched her, she counted on it, enjoyed it and used it to her full advantage. Today they left her alone, for they could tell from her walk and look, that she meant business and was not to be trifled with.
Despite the thick tropical air, she kept to her walk. When she wanted it, she could become approachable. Not now, not when she had a mission, had a need to fill. While others slowed in the heat, she walked quickly.

Though the heat didn’t bother her, she did appreciate that the conference center was air-conditioned. She paused for a moment at the entrance, searching for the registration table. When she spotted it she smiled. The table was manned by a nerdish-looking kid. It was much easier to influence a guy, than a gal. She took a few slow breaths and composed herself. Her look needed to be more approachable, seductive.
The kid was only twenty and quite bored at the registration desk. Today was the first day of the game developers conference and the important talks and sessions would not start until tomorrow. That’s why he chose to work the first day. That way he could spend time at the important seminars later in the week. He daydreamed as he arraigned his papers and the stacks of nametags on the table in front of him. As he glanced up at the door he saw her walking towards him and froze. Only his eyes tracked what he imagined must have been a character straight out of a fantasy war game. The deep V of her dress displayed just a peek of the mocha orbs that strained against the thin fabric. The small ruffles at the hem accentuated the motion of her hips as to make them hypnotic.
“Excuse me.” She said as she stopped at the table. He swallowed and momentarily shook off her effect.
“Yea, Yes, can I help you?”
“Do you have a schedule for the conference?”
“Su..sure.” He bent down to get one from the box on the floor. ‘If I can get her to stay and chat, maybe bend over a little.’ His thoughts occupied, he never noticed her reach out, quickly select a nametag from one of the piles and slide it into the side pocket of her purse.
“Are you attending the conference?” He asked as he handed her the schedule.
She didn’t mind as his eyes slid past her waist and caressed her thighs. His befuddled mind would never remember what she looked like.
“No. My brother wants to attend.”
“Oh.” He radiated disappointment.
”But thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
She turned and sashayed to the door. It was always so easy with the young mortals. She thought and smiled to herself. Most of them could be so easily seduced, but she left them alone. There was no need to punish the innocent, even though she knew their innocence would not last. It was as her mother always told her. ‘All men either cheat or leave.’ And she never doubted her mother.
As she descended the stairs and headed to the Ayala shopping center, she thought of tonight’s activities. The nametag would allow her to blend in with the other conference attendees and separate her from the ‘Lobby Ladies’ at the hotel. She smiled to herself, everything was ready. Perhaps an afternoon of shopping would relax her and prepare her for the hunt.

At seven, the taxi dropped her off at the lobby of the Miriam hotel, just across the park from the shopping center. She wore a more tasteful green dress tonight. A little less bosom, a little less leg and the heels were of a more respectable height. The doorman was good and barely seemed to notice her dress, the same with the security guard who politely checked her purse. The nametag hanging from her neck helped her blend in.
As she walked through the lobby towards the bar, she took off the nametag but kept it in her hands.

Downstairs, in the meeting rooms, there were conferences still going on. She knew they would break up soon and she would have her pick of the attendees. She smiled in anticipation as she flagged the bartender.
With a cold Red Horse to sip, she examined her surrounding. There was only one guy at the bar. Far older than she preferred, but suitable. They made eye contact for a moment and he didn’t even smile at her! That was almost unheard of, for she knew men and was on the prowl.
Before she could follow up on the eye contact, a young woman approached the guy and gave him a big hug. They talked excitedly and then two more young women arrived and there were more hugs. Then the four of them, still talking excitedly, left the bar.
Well, she thought, maybe they were just friends or coworkers. It didn’t matter, men were the same all over the world.

She clung to that thought, later that evening, as she allowed an energetic young Australian to lead her to his hotel room. He seemed to have forgotten his wedding ring, as they all do.
And it was probably the farthest thing from his mind, later that night, as she straddled him, the rhythmic motion of her hips grinding against him. Deftly, she brought him to his climax, just as she rose to hers.
He never noticed the faint blue sparks of electricity dancing over their skin until it was far too late. And when he did, she bent over him and stifled his scream with her mouth on his. He thrashed against her, caught between the throes of ecstasy and the incredible pain as she began to suck the life energy from him.
Everywhere their skin touched, and especially deep inside her, blue rivulets of energy flowed from him. He struggled against the small arms and legs wrapped around him, but it was like fighting against bands of iron.
Then slowly, as the flows of energy weakened, so did his struggles. She lay on top of him, feeling his heartbeat slow until it stopped. Climbing off him, she shook her head. They never learn, until too late, the price you pay for cheating. With renewed energy, she practically danced into the shower.
Still later, as she dried herself off, she marveled at her transformation. The small laugh lines around her eyes were gone, her small breasts were firmer, as was the rest of her body. She could easily pass for twenty-two, not the thirty-five her passport said.
Humming to herself, she dressed. She paid no attention to the dried out husk on the bed, but she did remove some of the money from his wallet. After all, he no longer needed it. Silly man, there was a price to pay for infidelity and she would do her best to punish them all.

Later that day, she made her monthly pilgrimage to the cemetery. Wandered among the headstones to the family plot. There they were, all in a neat row. Her husband, two daughters, two sons and some grandchildren.
She missed her husband the most, these last hundred years. For all she wanted from life was to marry a good man, have lots of children and live forever.
She tried to keep him as long as she could, but even her powers could only do so much. And her mother always told her, that in the end, all men either cheat, or leave.

Muse for A Goddess Walks

In a chat session with one of my Cebu friends, (Feb, 2008) she told me that all she wanted was to marry a good man, have lots of children and live forever. As we discussed this and what kind of supernatural creature could do this, I told her that I didn’t think it could be a vampire, since the legends didn’t ever mention their ability to breed. But I thought that the creatures from my ‘Inky-Sucky’ series would work. Then she said that if she was a vampire, she would only attack men who cheated. She hated men who cheated.
So I took those things and twisted them together.
And the Goddess now walks among us!

Sunday, January 04, 2009

No more floor


I spent the last week replacing my Step-mom’s downstairs toilet. I knew it would take a while, but not six days! Well, five, since the first day was shopping for supplies after I pulled up some flooring to see what I was up against. (my younger brother did volunteer to help, but I foolishly declined since the room is so small.)
There were four layers of flooring and several layers of underlayment. That would not have been so bad, but layer two was well bonded to layer one. And layer one had some kind of tar backing, so it was stuck to the subfloor! Maybe not surprising, since it was put down in 1927. Oh, and some of the subfloor had been replaced, but it matched level two. So I had to tear that all out and put in new subflooring that matched the original subflooring.
I had WG there for three days, but the bathroom is only four by five, so she couldn’t help much.
So we had-
Vinyl tiles
1/4 underlayment
Sheet vinyl flooring
3/8 underlayment
1950? Tile (red with turquoise speckles)
Linoleum? Glued down with tar?
Sub-floor

By Friday, day four, the subfloor was all fixed and ready for the underlayment, then the new vinyl floor.
By Sunday the new floor was in place and the new toilet works well. Plus someone came by and took the old green toilet!
WG and I will patch the holes and repaint the bathroom next month and install the new light fixture and the new shelves.
Here are some pics. The red tile with turquoise speckles is layer two.

Gonna lay down my hammer and chisle
Down by the riverside
Down by the riverside
Down by the riverside
Gonna lay down my hammer and chisle
Down by the riverside
Ain't gonna study FLOOR no more.