Sunday, May 18, 2008

Dealing with the Nubies

So, we have a new batch of Nubies to deal with.

It is so hard to train them, especially since their ages range from 24? to 33?. No, I have not asked their ages, that can be considered rude.

But I do want you to be aware, that I am listening to every word you say, tasting the sound, listening to the feel, playing with the phrases you utter.
And always thinking of their other meanings, what has not been said, looking for a way to make something funny.
And when I say things, at times I am leaving an opening for one of you to say something, if you listen well enough.

You will get points if you catch on faster than others.

Like last night, when we were driving back from dinner and I said that with all of these pretty ladies, the hard part was not playing favorites.
L2 said, “So, you admit that we are all pretty.”

I could not see her, but I will bet she was smiling. Nice catch L2 and nicely played. You get a Ganda point for that one.

Sleeping with my FB

Well, the annual camping trip is coming up and I was expecting to be sleeping in my tent, as usual.
But this year DeepT cannot make it. And FB’s son won’t be coming. So there will be an extra bed available in Fishing Buddy’s trailer.
(Oh, and I’ll bet you thought FB had a different meaning? You have a dirty mind!)

The amusing thing is that I have teased my friends about being wimps because they sleep in a trailer, instead of a tent, and now I will be one of the wimps! :-)
There response is to say that if I had been there two years ago, when it snowed, that I would have thought differently.
But alas, two years ago I missed the snow. I was forced, (forced I say) to spend two weeks in the Philippines. Sadly, business trips sometimes interfere with your life.
(of course we will ignore the truth. That I was made to spend time with my friends in Cebu. Made to spend time with pretty young ladies.
Look, this is MY story and I will omit, or bend, the truth to fit how I want the story to sound.)

So this year, I will find out what luxury camping is like.

Clouds are gathering

I was going to write about fun things, like the veritable plethora of feminine pulchritude that I had to survive yesterday-

However, when I opened my email this morning, there was a note from my high school girlfriend and she mentioned that her husband was in the hospital and she would know more on Monday.
From the tone of the note, there has been some type of problem for a little while. And It does not sound good.

Maybe I am reading more into the email that I should, but since she is my oldest and dearest friend, I am worried.
You don’t like to see friends sad.
Especially when there really isn’t much you can do to cheer them up.

It darkened an otherwise sunny day

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Escape to X Minus One leaves me in Suspense

It’s one thing to listen to your iPod everywhere you go, but we all know that we do get tired of our favorite music.

And then I realized that during the long boring drive to and from work, I could be listening to my collection of old radio shows from the forties and fifties!

As most of you do not know; before the invention of television, people listened to the radio for their entertainment. In some respects, it was and still is better, simply because you imagine how things look. This is especially true of Horror and Sci-Fi. Your imagination is always better than the image you see on TV or in the movies. Now these are not ‘books on tape’ being read by someone; these are dramas with multiple actors, sound effects, music.
Escape opened with these lines-

Tired of the everyday grind?
Ever dream of a life of romantic adventure?
Want to get away from it all?
We offer you ... ESCAPE!

And that is precisely what OTR shows enables me to do, to escape.

Right now I am halfway through my collection of X Minus One. It is a series of Sci-Fi radio dramatizations from the mid-fifties.

So I get in my truck, listen to the morning new for a few minutes, then I select the next show on my iPod and lose myself for the next thirty minutes

“Countdown for blastoff... X minus five, four, three, two, X minus one... Fire! From the far horizons of the unknown come transcribed tales of new dimensions in time and space. These are stories of the future; adventures in which you'll live in a million could-be years on a thousand may-be worlds”.

And all of our petty problem go away.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Bees Needs


A few weeks ago some bees gathered in our tree out front. They were not more than eight feet off the ground.
I have dealt with bee swarms when I was young, but since Wonder-Girl is allergic to their stings, I could not capture and keep them.
So I called the local beekeeper group and they would come and get them the next day.
And the guy wanted $100. I told him that the web site states the charges are $50. He agreed to the $50 and came and got them the next day.

Now I don’t mind a small fee, but $50 seems high. Especially since they were in a tree and easily collected. So I had to pay the guy and he gets a free swarm. Bees sell for about $85.
If they were stuck in a wall, maybe I would pay. (okay, if they were stuck in a wall, I would use my Chlordane.) But if the swarm comes back next year and the guy says it’s $100. Then I will tell him it is too high. He can either come and get them for free, or I will wait until late at night, dump them into a box and drive them to the edge of town and leave them there.

The bees will be fine.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Quotes from Bjorn....

My coworker collected phrases he overheard on the manufacturing floor. On his last day at work, he gave us copies.

Things I've Heard….

I have the habit of collecting memorable quotes at work. The only criteria I use is that the quote has to be something that was not meant to be funny when it was said. I have collected quite of few of these quotes over the last few years. All of these quotes were said quite innocently and the humor only came after the statements had sunken in for a few seconds. Usually, the person who said it laughed the hardest because they had no idea what they had just said.
Although many of these quotes sound sexual, I can assure you that almost all of them refer to some part of a system or to a tool of some sort. Whenever I heard one of these, I would write it down in my Newton. (See? It was good for something!) It was my way of capturing the fun we have around here. This is the part I'll miss the most about working here. Now that I'm leaving, I'd like to pass them all on to you as my way of thanking you all for making the last 2 1/2 years so fun for me. I'll definitely miss you all.

Bjorn J.


Sue H.
Quit playing with my springs!
Where's our rubber?
We need some little dikes... go see Paula.
Are you blowing or sucking?
I can't get this hose into the hole.
The last time I saw it, it was in your slot.
Does anyone have Vaseline in one of their little compartments?
I've got trouble down there in the fudge pipe.
I've got rusty nipples.
Any time you put something in front him he grabs it and sticks it.
You can't put it in the other hole.
Do you have any of those shaved nuts?
Are you in charge of nipples?

Paula N.
I'm so sticky!
I want bigger ones.
Let's go play Royster.

Tony T.
I need a bigger tool.

Richard D-M.
I got excited and forgot to wrap the tip.
I've got another 10 inches

Bjorn J.
He's walking around with a lot of little parts.

Steve D.
Sausage tastes good!

Royster M.
Hey Sue! Do you have a 3/8" nipple?

Ruth M.
Monica has some stuck pins.

Hugo Q.
I'm looking for 69... 1888-2-069

Richard 0.
I don't like to touch your stuff unless you are aware of it.

Dan P.
I like that little Wally

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

A little pain, a little blood

I saw her again Monday. She was one of those people I instantly like, but don’t know why.

About five–four, slim, long brown hair. Large eyes, a nice smile and a pleasant face. More pleasant looking than pretty. The type that is more attractive when she smiles than anyone with just a pretty face. Perhaps about thirty-five and unmarried.

It wasn’t until today, when I shook her hand and looked her in the eyes, that I realized why I liked her. She reminds me of Patch of Gravel. (similar handshake too)

And she seemed pleased to see me, genuinely please to see me.

And here is where I pause in the tale, trying to figure out how much more I should mislead you.

So let's stick to the facts.

Yes, it seemed odd that she was pleased to see. Doctors just see patients. I was one of many. None the less, she did seem pleased to see me, But I digress.
Anyway, she checked the spot on my hand where the mole was removed and said it looked like it was healing well. Still, she seemed concerned. She explained that even though the edges of the biopsy was negative(the center was positive), there was a chance the lab tech didn’t see everything and she was concerned with the lab technicians choice of terms in his description of the non-invasiveness of the skin cancer.
She talked about how the next step would be to pull up the skin and cut off an oval, then stitch it up. If that was needed. She said she wanted to recheck my hand in the near future, but she talked like she wanted to for sure do some more cutting.
We talked about a few other things involved in the treatment and agreed that I would schedule another appointment in six months.
Then she got out the liquid nitrogen and froze the shit out of the site where the mole had been removed. No, I am not exaggerating! There is a half-inch blister on the back of my hand right now. (yes, it burns.)
I wasn’t very concerned with how eager she is to see me again and maybe schedule a surgery until she emptied the liquid nitrogen bottle on my hand.
Okay, so I exaggerate just a little. Just like I might be exaggerating and misleading you when I say that she wants to see me again.
But she seemed to go overboard with the freezing like she felt something was wrong.

So I have a date to see her again in six months. Sure, you say, I don’t mind seeing her again because she is an attractive young woman and very personable.

But I fear there will be a little more pain next time.

And I fear there will be blood.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

It’s getting crowded here.

It has been said that there are six people in every relationship.

There is

Who I am.
Who I think I am
Who you think I am.

Who you are.
Who you think you are,
Who I think you are.

I would like to add, that with the advent of the internet and social networks, perhaps we can add two more?

Who I pretend to be.
Who you pretend to be.


It may turn out that I am not really who I think I am. But I suppose it's okay, as long as I remain who you think I should be.

Monday, March 24, 2008

The woman who wasn't there

While at your site, I chose to stare;
At your face, but you weren't there.
You weren't there again today.
I wonder why you went away?

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Betty’s little sister.

I walked into our little bank and the teller is still there. She looks like she could be Betty’s little sister.
Slim, petite; just like Betty. But long brown hair and brown eyes.
Reese Witherspoon looks a little like Betty, but Betty is so much better looking!

Now you know what I have written about Betty look-a-likes. (If not, then get your lazy ass in gear and read! Or maybe I should say, get your eyes in gear? But I digress.)

I am kind of in luck, for of the three tellers, the BLA will wait on me. I say kinda, because I want to stare at her face, study it, but I know it will creep her out. So I chat with her as I do my business. Keep my eyes away from her or on her eyes.

Yes, she looks so much like Betty. Same smile, same sparkle in her eyes. I say ‘little sister’ because she looks like Betty did fifteen years ago.

I wonder if Betty needs parts again?

Sunday, March 02, 2008

Was it something I said?

One of my friends vanished from the web. Kinda makes me sad. Yes, I have neglected my relationship with her and have not sought her out and chatted with her.

It’s just not been a good five months, but that’s no excuse not to say hi.

I just wonder what happened to her?

I can only hope that she has abandoned the virtual world because she has found something better in the real world.

Friday, February 22, 2008

A close Shave

So I finally went to see the dermatologist about getting an ugly, nasty looking mole taken off my hand. (At Christmas, my doctor-sister saw it and said I should have it removed soonest!)

So the dermy comes in, (a rather nice looking young doctor. I figured she was mid-thirties. But I digress :-), she takes one look at the mole and says it has to come off.
“Shave?” Says the not nearly as pretty nurse.
“Yes.”
So they set things up, take measurements and a picture (I don’t know why they need a picture.)
The Doc sits down at the terminal and enters the info about the mole. “We’ll have to have a biopsy”. She says.
“I expected that. It’s pretty nasty looking.”
“If the results are positive, then you’ll have to come back.”
“Yes, because you’ll have ‘trench work’ to do.”
She stopped typing for a second and I could see her thinking. Rolling the phrase around in her head, feeling how it tasted. Then she smiled just a little. “‘Trench work’, I like that. It will require stitches.” And she resumed typing.
And I knew I had her. She liked my odd sense of humor and she understood it. She was like me in some strange way.
She turned to me, “Just the mole on the hand?”
“No, there is a large mole/skin tag just below my belt line, here in front.”
“Does it bother you?”
“I’ve caught it with my fingernail a few times and torn it when I got undressed.”
“Let me see.”
I pushed the waistline of my jeans down an inch or so and she could see it. (No, I don’t take my pants off for just anyone, even an attractive young doctor with a good sense of humor!)
“We’ll freeze it.” She said.
(Yes, I know what you’re going to say; of course I didn’t want to take my pants off. I didn’t want her to cut off the wrong little odd piece of skin! Well, you can just shut up, smart-ass.)

A few blasts of liquid nitrogen and then it was time for the slice and dice.

A little alcohol, a couple of pricks with the needle and the back of my hand was numb. Then the Doc picked up a thin piece of metal between her thumb and forefinger and it bent into a U-shape.
“That looks like half of an old-fashioned safety razor.”
“It is.”
“Good to see they still have a use for them.”
She smiled a little, blocked my view with a piece of gauze and shaved the mole off .
Neat, smooth, practiced. She dumped the lump of flesh into the sample bottle the nurse held and then started dabbing the wound to staunch the flow of blood.
She looked up at me. “Do you take aspirin?”
“Yes.”
“Well, it’s working.” And she smiled a little.
Yes, a good sense of humor. Too bad she is a dermy, not a GP. If she were a GP, I’d change doctors right away. And it’s not just because she is good looking. She has a sense of humor. My current GP doesn’t have one.

She finally got the blood to slow and put a large bandage over the 3/8 inch(9.5mm) hole she had scooped out of my hand.

After I got the wound care instructions and a bag of antiseptics and bandages, I was done.

Now I have those classic conflicted feelings. To see the nice pretty doctor again would be a good thing. But if I go back to her office, it will be because the mole was cancerous and she will have to carve a trench in my hand.

I am not looking forward to that.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Imaginary Mistress

It’s been a little over a week, since I had my last cigarette. I have my happy pills and my nicotine patches, so I guess I have all the help I can get.
It’s funny how an antidepressant is supposed to help reduce the cravings. I guess since I do not notice a change in the way I feel, I was never depressed :-)

But the cravings for a cigarette are still there, at times. When we were driving over to visit my Step-mom on Sunday, Wonder-Girl turned to me and said, “You seem to be doing pretty well. Do you still feel the cravings?”
“They come and go. Right now, I could really, really, really use a cigarette. It’s like…
Well it’s like lying next to a naked twenty-year-old syphilitic mistress.
You want to touch her and it would be so easy, but you also know that every time you touch her, your life gets shorter. And there is a good chance it can get drastically shorter.”

Wonder-Girl smiled. “That’s a pretty good way of thinking of it.”

We drove in silence for a while.

So everywhere I go, my ‘Naked twenty-year-old syphilitic mistress’ is right beside me. She seems so alluring and it would be so easy to reach out and touch her.
Feel her in my hands, feel her on my lips. Enjoy the sensation of drawing her essence into my lungs, her smell, what it does to my head.

And from what people at the clinic told me, that she will be always by my side. And for the rest of my life, I will have to constantly say ‘No’. Resisting her.
Forever.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Insubstantial Beings

If Bad Warty is like a dark mist whispering sweet lies in your ear.
What happens if he encounters the Ethereal Miss, somewhere in the aether?
Would their insubstantialness merge into one being?
So that when she licks her lips, he can taste her.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

The naughty time of the year.

So if Santa always asks if you have been a good boy or girl this year.

And you get your gifts on the 25th, because you have been good.

And the year starts on the first of January.

Doesn’t that leave six full days to be naughty and it doesn’t count?

Like a werewolf waiting for the full moon, does the Bad Warty come out this time of the year?

Sleeping with Mina.

‘Sleeping with Mina’, a pretty good title I think, but not quite accurate. Maybe it should be, ‘Going to bed with Mina.’? Better, but not as fun.
I ponder the two titles each day, as I drive down the freeway at seventy miles per hour. Best to think of the titles, not of where I am going or where I have come from.

“You okay?” Wonder Girl says from the passenger seat.
“Yes, I’m okay.” I lie. “You okay?”
“I’m okay.” She might be lying also. That’s okay.

Which title should I use? I wonder as I slip into ‘Walter Mitty mode.’

Oh, I am sure that some drama queen will read it and think ‘OMG and he’s married!’. Willow would read it and say something like, ‘Oh stop pulling my leg Warty, I am tall enough already!’ Willow knows me well.
Jive-Daughter might say, ‘It’s okay, I wouldn’t mind being a few inches taller.’
Not sure how well JD she knows me.

So while we drive back and forth to the hospital, I think of other things. Anything but my dad lying in the hospital. I have to keep my eyes clear and watch the road. There is no time for tears.

For over the last few days, we have come to understand what lies ahead for my dad and how the end will come soon.

And I have trouble sleeping.

So as I snuggle up to my warm wife, I put my thoughts elsewhere. Since we know how hard it can be to calm your thoughts and sleep. So instead of trying not to think of something, I learned a long time ago to worry a story.
I’ll lie there and go over and over a scene. Tweak the dialog, imagine what the characters look like. Play the scene through and change how they act. Last summer I watched as an alien prepared to destroy a planet. Recently, I have toyed with how Carric(Inky) would save Cynthia(Sucky). But as I work on chapter four of the Inky-Sucky saga I realized that I really don’t want to drag Mina into it. For Mina Harker (You should know who she is if you have read the classics. Okay, google her name.) brings a whole mess of myth into the stories that I don’t want to use.
But I still have the scene that I will never use. And now I can use it to put myself to sleep.

So every night, for the last month or so, I go to bed with Mina, and Mina helps me sleep.
--

The Mina Scene
Not to be used in the Inky – Sucky saga
By G.W. Hogg

Carric paused across the street from bar, ‘Mina’s place’. He was full of trepidations about the upcoming meeting with Mina. The last time he encountered her, he had the upper hand. Today might be different.
He shrugged, it had to be done to save Sucky. He dashed across the dark street.

Pushing through the Bar’s heavy front door, he was surprised to find the bar was well lit. Booths lined the two walls on either side of him, upholstered in red leather. There were flowers on the tables and well-maintained plants hanging from the ceiling. Small tables filled the space between the walls and the long bar against the right wall. Women of all types were seated in groups in the booths and tables.
As he walked to the bar, the patrons watched him. He was not wanted here he knew, but that was not his worry.
He slid onto one of the bar stools and the young woman behind the bar put down the glass she was drying and walked over to him.
“Hi. Do you know where you are?”
Carric glanced around before replying. “Sure. I am in a quiet neighborhood bar. A place where people accept you for who you are, not judge you for what you are. A place where a person can enjoy the quiet company of friends, or enjoy a cold beer and be left alone.”
The bartender frowned for a moment. “Well, you summed us up pretty well. What can I get you?”
“A Harpoon IPA would be good.”
“Okay, coming right up.”
Carric watched her as she poured the beer from the tap. She was a handsome young woman, but a little too masculine for his tastes. Not that it mattered. This was not a place to try for a pickup.
The bartender came back with the cold mug of beer and set it down in front of him. He fished out a twenty and placed it on the counter. He took a sip of the beer, it was good and cold and with the nice extra bite of hops that he liked.
“If you don’t mind my asking, why are you here?”
Carric put the mug down before answering. “Besides knowing that I’ll be left alone here, I was hoping to chat with Mina.”
“You a friend of hers?” The bartender looked skeptical.
“Ah…more of an acquaintance than a friend. I ran into her years ago. I heard she had a nice little bar here in town and I thought I’d stop in and say hello.”
“I think there is something more.”
“Maybe. Is she here?”
“Yes, in the back room.”
“Can you ask her to come out? I’d like to say hello.”
“Sure.” She still looked skeptical, but she walked to the end of the bar and disappeared through the doorway.

While she was gone, several women came in and sat down at the bar, blocking Carric’s view of the doorway. He continued to sip his beer until he saw the bartender return.
“I didn’t get his name, but he seems okay.” She said as stopped in front of Carric.
Carric leaned forward just as Mina turned.
“You!” Mina exclaimed as she recognized him. Her hand lashed out and she grabbed his neck and squeezed. It was like a large pair of pump pliers squeezing his neck and trying to crush it. Carric tensed his neck muscles and Mina felt as if she was now holding a large iron pipe. He watched as her eyes changed from surprise to something darker. The darkness spread around her eyes until it was a swirling dark abyss. Carric smiled, then blinked to clear his vision and her eyes were suddenly their normal dark gray.
“Your powers won’t work against me Mina, but you know that from our last encounter. Stop trying to bend me to your will and release my neck.”
“You have some nerve showing your face in my bar.”
“Release me!”
“Or what?”
“Or I will cast such a glamour on you that you will strip your clothes off, crawl onto your bar and beg me to take you!”
“You wouldn’t”
“Remember what I did to you last time we met?”
Mina slowly released him and glared. “I hate you!”
Carric smiled. “No you don’t. You are just mad at me because I bested you.”
“You took from me!”
“Just as you were going to take from me. It’s just that I took control of you first. That’s what irks you.”
“You’re a bastard.”
“And you were going to be a bitch.”
She sighed and her shoulders relaxed. “Yes, you’re right.”
“Now. Why don’t you join me in a booth. I have a proposition for you. Something that can benefit us both.”

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Stones

Pain is sometimes good, I tell myself as I look over the concrete pad, half covered in stones.
Only a little left to do, 6-8 hours? Can my knees take it?
They have to, for there is no other to do the work. (WG’s knees can’t.)
All the tools are lined up, the mortar is mixed. I start.

I kneel next to the blue-gray flagstones, all carefully fitted, and move them out of the way.
Several scoops of mortar, smooth it, place the stone. Tap, adjust, level, ready for the next stone.
Wince
My knees complained from the first moment I knelt. The left one screams at me if I twist it too far. The three Motrin I took with breakfast only dull the screams a little. The four I’ll take with lunch will keep the bastard quiet.

Tap, adjust, level, ready for the next stone.
Wince.

But it is really okay. The aches that start in my knees make me forget my other aches. No time to think about what might have happened at the convention in Vegas, what she might have done. You know that some drama-queen saw them together, put two and two together and came up with eight.
As word spread from DQ to DQ, the drama increased.

I shift my focus back to what I am doing. When you swing a rock hammer, you have to pay attention. Thumbs don’t take kindly to being whacked by a sharp edged hammer. And who wants bloodstains on the rocks?

So I ignore the lies I heard and concentrate on the stones and my complaining knee.

And maybe I’ll forget about the phone too.
Forget that I am hoping for good news from the hospital.
Forget that I am dreading the bad news.

Tap, adjust, level, ready for the next stone.
Wince.


Two days later, my knees don’t bother me much and work keeps me occupied. But the coming phone call looms.

So I will laugh and flirt with you when I see you on IM. Maybe it brightens my mood a little, but I will not darken yours. So I will lie and tell you all is well. That’s the nice thing about IM, no one can see my face. I can easily pretend that I am doing okay.



It’s all about dealing with the next stone.
And the stones are mine alone. So I keep them to myself.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

STORYTIME - Whstler

Preamble to Whistler.

Some time ago, I was trying to explain to JD why I liked the night. But it’s not just the night, though I prefer the midnight hour. Early mornings are almost as nice, for everything is dark and quiet.

I told her about the opening lines of The Whistler and how I liked it.

All that made me think of a story and here it is.

And yes JD, I have been thinking about a story based on what you said you wanted. I think I have it thought out. I just have to figure out if I can write it.

GW

Whistler
By G.W. Hogg
©11-30-07

“I am the Whistler, and I know many things, for I walk by night. I know many strange tales, many secrets hidden in the hearts of men and women who have stepped into the shadows. I know the nameless terrors of which they dare not speak.”
The opening lines from the radio show, ‘The Whistler’

I used to love hearing those lines as they came out of the radio. For I knew that I was about to hear a strange tale of a crime gone wrong.

I still think about the show, as I walk the dark, quiet streets at five in the morning. Foggy mornings are better, as I walk with the dog. You can’t see across the street and the cone of light from the streetlamps makes a wall of white that you can’t see through. In the distance, I can see a figure crossing the street. It’s a dark shadow among other gray shadows. Maybe it’s another early morning walker, or something else?

I always wonder what is going on in the quiet houses, on the next dark street. Am I missing something nefarious that is happening maybe just a block away? Is there a shadow moving in those bushes over there? No, it’s just a cat that my dog wants to chase.

The darkness just before daybreak is okay, for life is returning to the land.

It was different, that night I slipped over the wall of the cemetery. The fog was thick, so I knew that no one could have seen me.
Inside the cemetery, the ground fog was much thicker. It rose off the acres of damp grass and like a gray tide, swept in and covered everything. I dropped into it and was enveloped by the damp darkness.

It was fun at first, as I wandered past the silent gravestones. I had been here with high school friends, but during the last few months, I came here more and more on my own.
It was nice and peaceful, walking through the gray mist. I could see maybe fifteen feet around me. No one to bother me, no one could see me.

I crossed the gravel walkway and entered a small group of trees and bushes. There was a clearing in the middle with a little stone bench. A nice secluded place to sit and think.
Just before I pushed through the bushes, I heard a clink, the clink of metal on stone.

I froze and held my breath. Cemeteries are supposed to be quiet. I moved slowly to my left, where there was a thinning in the bushes. I eased myself into the gap, careful to let the small branches bend and not break. Slowly, I pulled the last few leaves away and peeked into the clearing.

At first, all I could see was the indistinct shapes and shadows in the gray mist. But then I realized there was a man standing near the bench. Leaning against the bench was a shovel. I continued to watch and realized that the man was slowly taking off his shirt. The bench was ten feet from me, the man was five feet beyond that. I was puzzled and thought it would be best if I slunk back into the bushes. Then I saw movement on the ground. The fog cleared for a moment and I realized that the indistinct white shape was a naked woman. Her body was squirming back and forth, but her arms and legs were motionless.
I don’t know why, but I slowly crept out from the bushes towards the bench. I didn’t even have a knife on me, but the shovel was close. The man started humming to himself.
I reached the shovel and carefully wrapped my hands around it, lifting it silently away from the bench. The man was undoing his belt as I lifted the shovel over my head. Two quick steps, the woman’s eye got wide and the man started to turn.
And there was a thunk as shovel smashed into his head. The man collapsed and I paused. The sound was just like on the old radio shows, I thought.
The man started to move and I raised the shovel and hit him again. He moaned and I hit him again. He twitched and had to hit him again, then again and again and again.
I stopped when the shovel handle broke. I stood there, panting. There was a bloody mess at my feet and my head slowly cleared. I looked around and saw the man’s shirt. I picked it up, wiped off the shovel handle and dropped it.
I saw a silvery shape on the ground next to the man and I picked it up. It was knife about a foot long with a strangely decorated handle and sheath.

When I approached the woman on the ground, I realized it was a young girl. She was staked to the ground and squirming frantically against the ropes that held her. The gag in her mouth only allowed a whimper, but her eyes were frightened and pleading.
“It’s okay. I’m not here to hurt you.” I said it as softly as I could. Her eyes said she didn’t believe me. I draped the shirt over her, then unsheathed the knife and carefully cut the ropes that held her legs. She tried to kick me and I rolled out of the way.
As I got up, she was still trying to kick me.
“God damn it! I am trying to help you!” I barked at her.
She still tried to kick me. I sighed. I got up and went to one of her hands. When I cut the rope she rolled over and frantically grabbed at the last rope binding her.
“If you promise not to attack me, I’ll cut the last rope.”
She stopped and looked at me. Then she reached up and pulled the gag out of her mouth.
“Who are you?”
“Just a guy who went for a walk. Now, can I cut the rope without you hitting me?”
“Sh…Sure.”
“Okay.” I walked over and cut the last rope.
She scrambles away from me and I didn’t move. She picked up the shirt and put it on. I didn’t move.
When she realized I wasn’t going to do anything, she buttoned up the shirt.
“Now, let’s get you out of here.”
She nodded, then walked over to the dead man, looked at him for a moment then turned to me. “He was…He was gonna…he was going to…” Then she burst out crying. I walked over to her and put my arms around her and let her cry until the wracking sobs subsided.
She pulled back a little from me. “Thank…you.”
“You are welcome. Can we go?”
“Sure.”
I let her go and she let me go, then she grabbed my hand. I led her out of the clearing, keeping to the wet grass. Gravel would hurt her bare feet.
“Where are your clothes?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know where I am.”
I almost told her, but thought better of it. “I’ll have you out of her in a few minutes.”
“Okay.” And she shivered.
“Are you cold?”
“Yes.”
I let go of her hand and took off my faded green jacket. I helped her into it and she grabbed a hold of my hand again.

The wrought iron front gate was too tall to climb, but the wall next to it had concrete planter boxes that we could climb. I made it to the top of the wall, reached down and pulled her up.
“Just hang on to my arms, like this.” I showed her how to grab my wrists. “I’ll lower you down and then you’ll have to drop the last few feet. Okay?”
“Sure.”
She was light and I held her easily as I lowered her towards the ground.
“Okay, it’s just a few feet. I’ll let go of your wrists. You let go when you’re ready.”
“Okay.”
I let go and then a moment later she let herself drop. She collapsed to one side, then slowly got to her feet. I swung myself over the wall, hung for a second and dropped.

As soon as I stood, she grabbed my hand again.
“Come on, there’s a service station at the end of the block. There’s a pay phone there.”

It was brighter here, with the streetlights and the fog was not as thick. The closed service station was still lit up. No cars on the road at this hour. Bright, quiet and well past midnight.
I fished a dime out of my pocket, put it in the slot and hit the ‘O’.
It rang once and was picked up.
“Operator.”
“Operator, I need the police.”
“One moment please.” Click, ring.
“Police department, Sergeant Buckler.”
“Sergeant, I am at the corner of Valley Road and Main. There is a girl with me who was attacked by some man. And she needs help.”
“Listen kid, this had better not be some joke!”
“There is also a dead man in the cemetery. I had to smash his head in to save the girl.”
“What?”
“There is dead man in the ‘Remembrance grove’.”
“What’s your name kid.”
“That doesn’t matter. Please send someone to help her.” I hung up the phone. And turned to the girl. “The Police should be here soon.”
“You’re leaving me?”
“Not yet, but soon.”
“Why?”
“I am not supposed to be out at night. Mom and Dad would be pissed.”
“But, but, if it wasn’t for you…I’d…”
“Be dead, or worse.”
“Worse…”
“But you’re gonna be okay now, you’re safe.”
“Who are you?”
I heard sirens in the distance, a bunch of them. “Whistler.”
“Whistler? That’s you’re name?”
“It’s close enough.”
“I’m Sue.”
“I am glad I was there to help you Sue.” I gave her a big hug and she held me tightly. The sirens were getting closer. I pulled back from her embrace and let my hands slide down her arms until I held her hands, then I gave her a kiss on the forehead. “You’ll be okay now.”
“How can I thank you?”
“You just did, you’re safe.” I let go of her hands. “I have to go.”
“Your jacket?”
“Keep it, you need it.”
I turned and ran back to the cemetery. She yelled a thank you.

The planter boxes in the front of the cemetery were higher than the ones inside. I easily made it to the top of the wall. I turned and looked back at Sue. Even a block away, I could see her waving to me. I waved back just as four squad cars squealed around the corner. Two of them stopped next to Sue and the other two continued towards me. I waved once more to Sue then dropped back into the cemetery.

I ran for a while through the fog shrouded cemetery, then slowed to a walk. No one would see me now. The lights from the police cars would create a white wall that would also hide me.
I paused at the top of a rise, next to the wall and turned. I could see their lights as they drove up to the grove. Too far away and they weren’t looking for me yet.

As I climbed my tree that hung over the wall, I heard more sirens approaching. Everything was being taken care of, as it should be. I dropped to the wall, then rolled off the wall, hung for a second, then dropped to the ground. A quiet two block stroll and I was home.


I still have the strange knife, locked in a case and kept in the bottom of my desk. Once in a while I take it out and study it. I wonder about the evil that I stopped and wonder about the evil had already been done with it.

I stopped walking at night, but I still like to walk in the darkness of the early morning. The early morning feels better. The sleeping are about to wake and the dead have crawled back into their graves.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

A Bit of Karma Sauce

I was chatting with Pip a while ago, talking about my wife and me; and how our lives seemed to flow together without a lot of trouble. We weren’t even looking for someone when we found each other. Basically, we have had a pretty good life. Pip said that we both must have been very good people in our previous lives, to have such good karma.
I’m not sure I believe in karma, but that was a nice thing for her to say.

(I apologize for the terrible pun ahead of time)

But it did make me wonder, what happens to people who have very little karma? Neither good nor bad.

I know what happens if they are a woman. They join a Convent especially set up for women with little or no karma.

They become Karma-light Nuns.


Yes, it is a terrible pun. But I have been trying to figure out how to use that pun for the last five years, ever since I drove past the Convent in Cebu. I knew there was a way to use it and that it would come to me eventually.

And yes, I am sure I just used up some of my good karma.