My Halloween joke

Mick Jagger buys an old estate just outside of London.
Soon after he moves in, he begins to hear strange noises at night. Besides the usual creaks and groans, he thinks he hears doors closing and footsteps. It seems to be a little noisier each night.
Halloween night he is awoken by this terrible noise from the kitchen. He runs downstairs and finds a ghost pulling pots and pans out of the cabinets and throwing them against the walls.
“Just what in the bloody hell are you doing.” Mick yells.
“This is my house!” The ghost screams. “You can’t have it! I’m going to keep this up until you leave!”
Mick throws back his head and laughs. The ghost just stares at him. Finally, Mick stops laughing, catches his breath and says,
“You know, you can’t always get what you haunt.”

Not my cup of tea

I don’t care for funerals. Not just because nothing can be said. Instead of listening to music, or hearing people singing, I would rather sit and talk to people. Reminisce.
Maybe it’s because I am not religious, I take no comfort from talk of the afterlife. After all, the person is gone, so what happens now to them affects me not.

So I help those left behind. Give them aid and comfort, for they are the ones I can help.

I am so glad that I won’t be there for my funeral

Winter is coming.

It was 64 degrees out, when I took Tommy for the five am walk.

There was an unsettling, warm dry wind this morning. Like the breath of a thousand-year-old mummy, when she whispers in your ear.

I don’t mind warm winds in the summer. I have gone for a 5am walk and it was 75 degrees.

And in the dark heart of winter, it’s always a cold wind.

But October is when there is a chill coming. Winter is just around the corner. I know this because it was 86 here yesterday, 84 today. Warm dry winds blow off the lands, sucking the last of the moisture from the brown, grass-covered hills. The end of the fire season and high winds whip over the hills.
We always get this mini heat wave in October. Right before the rain and cold of November descends.

But a warm dry wind blowing over me, at five am, is very unsettling.

Can you find me? Will you try?

Something Danger Girl wrote recently, a little quote about building walls just to see who really wants to scale the walls and be with you. It reminded me of this 30 year old cartoon.

(I seriously keep too much junk)

I live in a shell.
That inside a wall.
That is inside a fort.
That is inside a tunnel
That is under the sea
Where I am safe.
From you.
If you really loved me, you'd find me.

PS-oh, and in case your are wondering, it does not work!

Bastard!

So, at 3am, the Tommy dog began to bark. It barely registered and my sleepy mind was debating what to do when Wonder-Girl gave me a nudge. “Tommy’s barking.”
So I climbed out of bed and peered through the window blinds. No prowler in the backyard.
I meandered to the kitchen and looked out, no aliens on the front lawn. Tommy barked again.
Into the family room and Tommy is at the back door. He barks again. I look out into the backyard. No zombies. Tommy’s hackles are raised and he emits a low growl. I turn on the lights and notice a pair of beady eyes staring back at me from the lawn.
Damn, a raccoon! I know what Tommy is thinking, Intruder! But I don’t let Tommy out. I have heard stories that raccoons can be formidable opponents. And this one is about Tommy’s size.
I pet Tommy and calm him a little. When I look up, the raccoon is gone.
Most of the time, I never see what Tommy barks at. This time I saw the critter. We get squirrels all the time and cats. Sometimes an opossum.
Back to bed.

At 8am, I am my in my home office and working, when WG comes in all upset. ‘The fish are gone! All gone. Not a trace!”
“Damn, the bastard raccoon ate all the fish!” I go look at the little pond and there is no evidence of a disturbance. Just no fish.

Our son built the pond years ago and I helped him finish it. We had to change the water many times until the chemicals got leached out of the cement.
Some of the third dozen goldfish survived. Mostly. Over the next fifteen years, four fish made it. And they were pretty big, after fifteen years. One fat one was about six inches long! We cleaned the pond constantly. Added a filter a few years ago and a waterfall.
So we are pissed at the damn raccoon for eating our fish. I hope he gets a stomach ache!

Random thoughts on Maui

We got back home just in time to enjoy the first cold storm of the season. Not really a cold storm, but we were used to 85 plus on Maui. We kinda wished we were still there.
Maui was great, as usual. Even when it clouded up, it was still warm (well, hot and humid for me). Wonder-Girl sure loves the hot, humid weather. We did some sightseeing, including a tour of a pineapple plantation. We were the only people on the tour, so the guide gave us twelve pineapples! Not those green things you get here on the mainland, but yellow, ripe, sweet fruit. We ended up giving away five of them. One can only eat so much each day.
Most days, we relaxed by the pool and read. The ocean was right there, so I did get some snorkeling in. Saw a school of five unicorn fish, each as long as my forearm and hand. It was fun swimming slowly over them and watching them feed on the coral. (Skinner would so not like swimming with such big fish.)
Kannapali beach is on the leeward side, so we didn’t get much rain, despite it being the rainy season.
Did you know that botanists love getting those flower necklaces? That way they can get the lei of the land.
We also found out that some of the oldest parts of the island chain(like Midway Island) are just coral atolls. You see, once the land wears away, there is nothing at’oll left.
(hey, this is my blog and I’ll use all the puns I want!)

Only a week there seems not enough, but if we see all the sights, then there are fewer reasons to go. Next time, we’ll spend some time on other islands.

I did notice some odd things. Like most of the people working in the stores and restaurants were white folk. I expected a lot more Hawaiians. I have no idea why, since I don’t know the culture there. I know some Hawaiians resent the houlies and I am not surprised. (Hmmm…I could add a chapter about this to ‘Cross Country’. I’ll ponder that some more.)
Since it is an island nation, I am sure that they don’t have the same illegal immigration problems. No one can swim there from neighboring countries. I think this affects the price of their crops. Everything is expensive there and without cheap labor to work in the fields, other countries can produce food cheaper. That may be part of the reason that they have fewer pineapple plantations now. It would be nice to chat with some of the people there and find out how the labor is classified.
Everywhere, there are cultural differences and it is interesting to explore them.
Though I am sure that a lot of houlies don’t care.