Sleeping with Darth Vader

When you laugh, the whole world laughs with you.

When you snore, you sleep alone!

That’s what my strange friend DAC says and if you talk to anyone who has a bed partner who snores, they will say the same thing.

In fact, anyone who lives within the same house or apartment complex can say the same thing.

So think of poor Wonder Girl, a light sleeper, stuck with this giant warthog that can shake the house when he snores. And when the snoring stops, so does the breathing. And she waits, and waits, and waits, and then with a gasp, I begin to breath again.

And she tells me she does not know what is worse, the noise of the snoring, or the silence.

And surprise, it really isn’t healthy for you. Or the comely lass trying to sleep at you side. For the poor gal has to do what she can to get you to roll over and sleep on your side, where you don’t snore as much. Now over two hundred pounds of sleeping like the dead warthog does not move easily. Poor Wonder Girl!

Though it may sound funny, there can be serious consequences. The lack of oxygen puts a big strain on the heart and lungs. Plus the constant half waking up to start breathing again robs a person of their deep REM sleep. The result is that they don’t get a good nights sleep and are not at their peak during the day.

So I finally mentioned the problem to my doctor, and quick as a wink, he had me scheduled for a sleep study. The study involves strapping some equipment on and sleeping. It little machine records air intake, heart rate, breathing rate and if you are on your back or side.

Long story short, I have moderate to severe Sleep Apnea. (but only when I sleep on my back) What they suspect happens to me, is that when I am on my back, my breathing passages get blocked by my tongue collapsing. Short of having a nurse sit there all night and turn me over, I need a CPAP machine. It blows a continual stream of air trough my nose and keeps my breathing passages open. With luck, it will enable me to breath well and get a good nights sleep. As will the comely lass that shares my bed.

So now I wait for my appointment to get the machine. And we will see what happens.

Will it be a nice quiet machine? Or will Wonder Girl claim that she is now sleeping with Darth Vader?