Wrong word

We went to a party Saturday night at Prickly’s neighbors. It was a fun party. Good food, beer, champagne. The usual thing where you sit around and chat, swap stories, tell a joke or two.
Then we all sat at a table and began playing a game. I don’t recall the name, but it was fun. (that everyone had a few drinks under their belts made it more fun)

One of the ladies there was named Tiff. Good looking young lady, but perhaps not as young as she thought she was. She was there with her boyfriend. I think what bothered me was the little alarm that rang in the back of my mind.

So I was at one end of the table and Tiff was at the other. Fishing buddy, Prickly, and Wonder-Girl to my right. Everyone else spread around the table. At one point, Tiff looked at me and said “magnum. You look like Magnum. Is it okay if I call you that?”
“Ah, that’s what my wife calls me sometimes.”
“And Prickly says you resemble him.” Says WG.

(‘Actually’, I thought, ‘you can’t’.)
Prickly and Fishing buddy made little sexual comments about things being ‘magnum’. That’s okay, they are my friends.

But Tiff seemed to have latched on to me, usually directing questions and stuff to me. Now I don’t mind a little attention, heck, everyone likes at little attention from a good looking member of the opposite sex. But a little goes a long way. Oh sure, if you are single, it is nice. But if you are married, it makes one uncomfortable.
During one break, Tiff was chatting with WG and actually said, ‘You don’t think I am hitting on your husband? ‘Cause I’m not.’
(‘darlin, if you have to ask, you have already stumbled over the line)
I suppose if she had been sober she would have behaved better. But she sure made me uncomfortable.

It’s funny because I remember when Little Shrimp and I were chatting once on IM and she mentioned that I looked a little like Magnum P.I. and that she could call me ‘magnum’. I responded back that that’s what WG sometimes calls me.
Little Shrimp responded back, “oh, then I won’t”
From six thousand miles away she understood that it was WG’s nickname for me and therefore she could not use it.

Some women understand personal nicknames and know how to act properly, others I guess just don’t.

Seduced another

So I sent this picture about holiday decorations to NDN (next door neighbor). Her response was, ‘Don't you be getting any ideas!’

I think it’s kinda nice that she would even think that I might do this to her house. I guess it’s like Oscar Wilde once said. “I’m not saying that we should misbehave, but that we should look as if we are capable of misbehaving at any time.”

My work is done with her. Without ever doing anything, my reputation is set.

So I have seduced another to the dark side of the farce.

Shucky-darn

I think it was YS who first started using this expression, years ago. We all began using it and it means a pleasant misfortune.
Like last week. When WG made her great fudge. Unfortunately, she messed up the timing of the cooking just a little bit. The resulting batch, while tasting good, did not have the smooth creamy texture it is supposed to have.
“This is simply not good enough to share with anyone.” She declared. “You will have to eat it all.”

“Well Shucky-darn”

Justifiable homicide

So I was in the jewelry store looking for some emeralds for WG. (I had already been to six others) There was a nice earring, pendant and ring set. Simple, the way WG likes her jewelry. But WG doesn’t wear many rings because of her knuckles get swollen from arthritis. I asked the clerk if it was sold without the ring. She said no, but suggested that I could give the ring to someone.
Okay, freeze frame, and let’s think this through. A married gentleman does not give jewelry to any woman, except to his wife. Though I have a lot of women friends and they all like jewelry; they would also think it inappropriate to receive jewelry from me. Maybe the clerk thought I had sisters I could give it to? But how would I split one ring among sisters? To be fair, each would have to be given a ring.

I think the clerk just didn’t think it through.

It was like that time a lady at a store handed me a flier for a new weight loss spa. She suggested I take it home to my wife.
How stupid was this woman? What man would bring something like that home to his sweetie?
Hand that to your wife, implying that she is fat? Would you really expect to wake up the next day?

There is such a thing as justifiable homicide and you know an all woman jury would acquit her.

I did find a nice pendant and was able to find matching earrings. I hope she likes them. And if not, well then I can take her shopping after her birthday and find her something better.

It’s not easy being me

So, the other day I IM’d Fever-girl to ask how she was doing. (I was concerned about her, Dengue fever can be a serious hemorrhagic illness). She said, “I am pretty and cutie fine. :-)”. I knew she was feeling much better, for you could almost hear her smile.

I always have fun chatting with her.

Then last week we had to do that ‘sensitivitysexualharrassmentethicsdotherightthing’ BS at work. Instead of a seminar, you read things on the web and then agree to be a good boy at work. Really effective.

So the next time I was chatting with her, I told her that I should really follow the guidelines at work. So, to avoid the risk of offending her, I should no longer refer to her as pretty or cute.
You could almost hear the ‘harrumph’ from seven thousand miles away.
‘I would be offended if you stopped calling me pretty or cute.’ She said. ‘And furthermore, I was pretty and cute long before there was any company policy!’

Yes, do not get ‘small but terrible’ upset.
So to keep our friendship, I will continue to refer to her as ‘PQ’.

But you know what is going to happen. Others will read this and insist that I call them ‘pretty’ or ‘cute’. (Heavens, I do not want to see Willow pout!)

But I must be careful! For I know that Skinner would be incensed if I called her cute. ‘Cute is for little girls’ she once said.

So I walk the fine line, ever struggling to keep my friends happy, ever mindful to use just the right word.

Thank goodness that Wonder-Girl accepts most any compliment, when properly given.

A new way forward

Maybe I am dating myself, but the recent announcement that Bush is looking for 'a new way forward' sure reminds me of that line from David Frosts 'All purpose political speech' where he says,


'For it's only with your back against the wall, that you can then move forward'

Nomenclature

We bought a wrought iron table base from a salvage yard last year. Wonder-Girl like the looks of it and we bought it. Three months ago, we took it down to a shop and had it powder coated. (that’s a very thick, enamel like coating)
Last week, we finally ordered the glass table top for it.

So my son called the other day and asked what was new. I told him that we finally got the glass top for the patio table. And it is now on the back deck.
“Does the Master like it?” He asked.
“You mean the Mistress? Yes, she likes it.”
“I wouldn’t use that word.”
“Why not? It is the female word for Master.”
“But it has the other connotation.”
“And that’s okay. We are married after all.” (and I gave him my best dirty old man laugh)

So folks, use the right nomenclature. A man may be the Master of his destiny, but a woman is the Mistress of hers.

Of course, one could argue that Wonder-Girl is the Mistress of my destiny. And if that is so, then I accept my fate.

The Bolero in the corner.

Ever paint yourself into a corner? Sitting there stuck. Nothing you can say or do. Been there, done that; will do it again.

I remember Rooster once said, ‘There are no ugly women, just ones I don’t find attractive.’ It made me think a little.
Now we have all seen someone who looks like one of the Gorgon sisters, or perhaps Quasimodo. I suppose those are the exceptions that prove the rule. (go look up prove in the dictionary.) But since I consider ugly to be someone that is painful to look at. Most people aren’t ugly.

So then, I classify them as attractive, or not. Either I am drawn to a woman, or not.
So women fall into this huge sliding scale. Those outside the lines are not attractive. Those inside the lines are. I know that part of it is instinctive and visual. But there it is and you have to live with how you are made.
You know, it is easy to say nice things about a person that you find attractive. Wonder Girl has probably gotten tired of all the nice things I say about her, so I try to come up with new ones.

And it’s a fine line you walk, doling out the compliments. You want to be nice, but not become known as just Bolero (a smooth talker).
And it pains me to see my friends beat themselves up over their perceived flaws. So I try to be complimentary.
So when I say to one friend(who thinks she is fat), you are nice and curvy, I know I am close to crossing the line(for I dare not say that you are attractive). And at that moment, my other friend realizes that no matter how fond I am of her, I have just placed her on the other side of the line.

And there I sit in the corner, wet paint all around. By trying to be nice to one, I have maybe hurt another.

But my silence would have hurt them all.